Page 69 of The Alternate Captain
She looks between Kelly and me, and it’s obvious that she wants me to step away. She wants to talk to me in private.
“I’ve got nothing to say to you,” I say, gently tugging Kelly’s arm again as I pull her along after me.
We exit through the back gate and move around to the front of the restaurant, staying close to the wall.
Fuck.
“Are you okay, Johnny?” Kelly asks.
But I can’t find any words. I feel like everything I’ve been building myself towards, every single thing I’ve done to get Sarah’s harsh words out of my head comes flooding back.
Then, I remember the reason we are leaving via the back entrance, and once I’m confident the coast is clear, I usher Kelly into the passenger seat of my car and walk around to the driver’s side.
Instead of getting in, I lean against the door and take a breath, scolding myself for allowing another replay of that encounter with Sarah. Should I have said anything different? Should I have allowed her to talk to me? Should I go back and find out what the hell she’s still doing here? Of course, I know the answer to all of these is no.
No, because she’s poison. She’s an abusive piece of shit.
My mind reels and that familiar surge of tension runs through my body, causing me to kick the front driver’s side tyre of my car as I yell into the air. I pace away, running my hands through my hair, then giving my tyre another kick for good measure before placing my arms parallel against the door frame.
Deep breaths, Johnny. Remember your coping strategy.
I completely forget that Kelly is inside the car until she climbs out and tentatively comes around to my side of the car.
“Are you okay?” she says.
Shit.
“Yeah. Sorry. I just needed a moment. I’ll take you home.”
I’m fully expecting her to run away, or call Bettsy or something, but she doesn’t. She looks at me for a moment. I can see her studying me from the corner of my eye. Then she squeezes into the gap between me and the car and wraps her arms around my waist, slipping them underneath my jacket.
Instead of that bubbling feeling growing at a steady rate, it trickles away when she squeezes me and rests her head on my chest.
“I’m here, Johnny. Be in the moment with me,” she says.
And I do. I drop my arms and return the hug and we stand there on a sidewalk for at least ten minutes, in each other’s arms.
“Has that happened before?”I ask Johnny.
He pulls out into the flow of traffic and heads for the link road towards my place. The traffic is minimal, so we glide through the streets with ease.
“I struggle with my emotions sometimes. I’m sorry,” he says.
“You don’t need to be sorry for feeling something, Johnny.”
He keeps his eyes on the road, his jaw clenched. Whatever that was back there, has pushed away the Johnny I was having the most incredible time with, and brought out a stranger. Because that wasn’t even Captain Johnny.
“I haven’t seen Sarah since we broke up. I thought she moved back to Canada. It caught me off guard, that’s all.”
“Was it a nasty breakup?” I ask, wondering if I’m being too nosey—I mean, he’s mentioned her before, but I don’t know any details.
“It wasn’t great,” he says, still looking at the road as he drives.
Since it seems like our conversation is over, I switch my attention to the passing scenery illuminated by the streetlights. I’m not sure how much time passes before Johnny talks again.
“I was playing a road game, and we got all the way there to find that they’d cancelled it because the ice was patchy and unsafe. It was a last-minute thing, but we got back on the coach and headed home. I called her, but she didn’t pick up, then I got back to our place, and she was riding the guy who lived across the hall. Fully going at it right there in my goddamn bed. Turned out, it’d been going on for months and I was too dumb to notice it.
“Wanna hear the worst part? I didn’t even care. I was glad to have a valid reason to free myself from her—from her ways. And if he wanted her? Then happy fucking days. Ultimately, I ended up moving out that night. I went to stay with your brother, actually, before I moved to where I am now.” His hands clench the steering wheel as he talks.
