Page 15 of From West, With Regret

“I wish I could have gone to the funeral with you.” She confesses, her voice cracking. “At least you wouldn’t have had to face Heath’s family on your own.”

“I know.” I frown. “Glenna was insistent on it only being immediate family. Well, her definition of immediate family anyway.”

Damn. The Hall family is confusing to say the least.

“Yeah.” Selene allows her voice to drift off, accepting my explanation with reluctant acceptance.

I shift my gaze to the windows lining the front of my sister’s small studio apartment. It’s a modest home not far from Manhattan. The paint is peeling, and the toilet in her closet-sized bathroom doesn’t flush properly half the time, but I know this place is just a steppingstone for Selene. It isn’t her forever home but a means to an end when it comes to her dream.

“How’s the book coming?” I ask, forcing the memory of my marriage out of my head.

“It’s going,” she says flatly.

“Doesn’t sound like it from the tone of your voice. Usually, you’re giddy when talking about it.”

She frowns and stares off in to the distance. “I don’t know. I want to pitch it to a traditional publisher, but it’s not as straightforward as it used to be.”

“So, publish it yourself. I heard the indie route is the way to go these days. You get full control and everything, right?”

“Yeah,” she sighs, still not meeting my eye. “But you need money to make money… if I want to do it the correct way, anyway. Hiring everyone to design and edit the book isn’t bad—I can save up for that—but diving into ads and marketing is what’s terrifying. I would have to take on a lot of that myself or hire someone. It’s not impossible, but it is a leap of faith for someone who is barely scraping by.”

I roll to my side and reach for her hand. Half of my life may be a mystery, but I’m so thankful for Selene. She’s been the one constant I can depend on, and I know if it wasn’t for her, I can think of a million different scenarios that could have been worse. In all the darkness, she’s my bit of light, and she has been ever since we lost our parents a few years ago in a situation neither of us have truly ever gotten over. Though I know Selene was affected the most, and it's taken years of therapy to get to where she is now.

“You have endless possibilities,” I gush. “I know that whatever you decide, you’ll make it happen.”

“Thanks.” She gives me a tight-lipped smile. “I love working for Charleigh at her flower shop, but I know it’s not what I want to be doing forever. At least I know I have that as a stream of income for now.”

“I love that she’s kept you on her team.”

“Yeah.” She chuckles. “If I didn’t already know I wanted to go into writing or publishing, I’d probably work there forever. She’s the best boss and friend.”

“Everyone’s dream.” I smile back, squeezing her hand.

We lie together in silence, which allows my mind to wander back to the faded numbers stained on my inner arm. My eyelids grow heavy despite what I know I need to do today. I lift myself up onto my elbow and search the tiny living room. “What time is it?”

Selene twists and grabs her phone from the floor behind her before she rolls back to face me and taps her screen. “It’s nine.”

“Okay.” I lay back down, my arm burning. How is my armburning when we just spent the past hour in the spin class from hell? “My train leaves at two, so I still have time for a shower and to finish packing up before we see Grandma.”

“You don’t honestly still plan on staying in Boston, do you?” Selene asks. “There’s nothing left there for you.”

Her brutal honestly is like a small knife to the heart. She’s right.

I don’t have anyone or anything in Boston.

Our grandmother has been in a nursing home on Long Island for the past ten years, and contrary to the occasional visit I’ve managed here and there, Selene has made it her mission to visit as much as possible. Perhaps it’s her way of making up for the ugliness we’ve endured in our lives. Being close to our grandmother reminds Selene of the past.

A pastsheremembers.

“Why are you going back?” she presses. “Aside from the fact your clothes and a few other things are back in that apartment you shared.”

“I don’t know. It’s what I should do, right?”

“Why, because you were married to Heath?” she asks, stunned. “You weren’t happy in your marriage.”

I haven’t told Selene the whole truth about my marriage to Heath. West knows more than she does, but that’s only because I knew it would only give Selene more reasons to convince me to leave Heath. Skeptical from the start, she never liked him, and I couldn’t blame her.

“I know.” The truth is a hard pill to swallow.

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