Page 24 of From West, With Regret

I’m overwhelmed with sadness. It’s not that I didn’t love my adoptive parents—I did—but I haven’t thought about the loss of them in a long time. I’ve been stuck between the desire to move on from my past, and the desire to be there for Selene, since her and our grandmother are the only family I have left.

Sometimes pain is easier to let go of when you have distractions.

“I never asked them,” I tell West. “After my accident, they tried their best to give me the best life possible. I guess they wanted to move on and not dwell on it. I guess at some point I went along with it and accepted it. Then it just became habit.”

“Couldn’t you ask them now? Maybe it would help.”

Tears sting the backs of my eyes. “I can’t. They died a few years back.”

“I’m sorry.”

I think back to the first time we met, whenWest told me he was sorry for my husband’s death. Before he knew my husband had been his brother. I didn’t want it then. I wasn’t sorry for Heath’s death.

But his condolence for my parents is one I welcome. Their death rocked Selene more than me. I was upset by their death, but seeing my sister distraught made me compare my emotions to hers. Then when Heath died, I was relieved in a way. Like I’d been set free. But thinking about Mom and Dad now, I don’t think I ever took the time to acknowledge the trauma of losing the only parents I’ve ever known.

I continue to bounce in the water while staying close to West, drawn to him despite every alarm bell inside me warning me to stay away. Because of him, I don’t feel like I’m the only one not heartbroken over Heath’s death. There’s history between the brothers. A reason why Heath kept his family away from me.

My fingers graze West’s. Our breaths are heavy in the space between us, both of us clearly aware of the shift happening. We’re standing dangerously close, closer than we should be, but West doesn’t make a move to break this trance we’ve found ourselves in.

“Can I ask you something?” His eyes fall to my mouth.

“Yes,” I breathe.

“Have you decided if you’re going back to Boston?”

I open my mouth to answer him when I spot the light catch the sequins of my sister’s black cocktail dress from the corner of my eye. She’s walking down the length of the pool, toward where West and I are swimming in the middle. Behind her, Charleigh and Julianna follow.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere, London,” Selene says, crossing her arms over her chest once she reaches us. “I should have known I would find you here.”

“Oh, come on. Can you blame her?” Charleighsays, tucking a few strands of her brown hair behind her ear, which has been braided off to the side, revealing the newest flower she’s had tattooed behind her ear. She asked Selene and me to go with her to the tattoo parlor yesterday. I was tempted to get one myself but decided against it. At least for now.

Julianna taps Charleigh’s arm with the back of her hand. “Hey, what is that supposed to mean? Is my party boring?”

“I didn’t say that,” Charleigh argues, but I ignore her and Julianna’s back and forth.

Selene’s looking at me with pink cheeks. I’ve embarrassed her.

“I’m sorry, Selene.” I never meant to embarrass her. I was caught up in my own thoughts, but I know she’ll understand when we go back to her apartment later and explain.

Her eyes soften. She knows I’ve been through the wringer recently. “Julianna said there isn’t much more for us to do here, so we can head out.” Her eyes move over to West. She gives him a small, ghosted smile.

“Okay,” I tell her, recapturing her attention.

“I’ll meet you in the front lobby,” she mutters, glancing between West and me before she walks away.

I watch her ascend the stairs and disappear into the crowd.

“I think the stress of finishing this book is getting to her,” Charleigh says.

Julianna and I nod.

“I think so, too.”

“Well, since you’re here to stay, maybe we should set up weekly get togethers,” Julianna suggests. “You know, like girls’ night or something.”

“I like that idea.” I smile.

Charleigh and Julianna walk away arm in arm, promising to text the group chat later. I stare at the side of the pool for several seconds, wrapping my head around what has become my life.

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