Page 53 of At the Heart of It
“Cheers to that,” Jonah agreed.
It was probably the last time they’d be agreeing on much for a while. If the network got what they wanted, Viv and Jonah would be at each other’s throats for the foreseeable future. It’s how they seemed to want this show to go.
Across the table, Viv picked up a scone and began the delicate process of slathering it with honey butter. “Anything you want to discuss before all the network people start showing up?” she asked. “I don’t imagine we’ll have much time after this for private conversation.”
She probably meant the show. About casting or protocol or what sort of boundaries they wanted to set.
But what came out of his mouth had nothing to do with the show. “Why did you give up?”
Viv’s mouth opened and closed, then opened again. It was clear she hadn’t expected the question. Hell, Jonah was surprised by it himself.
“On our marriage, you mean?”
Jonah gave a tight nod, then took a bite of his scone. He chewed for a long time, trying to formulate his next words a little better than he’d formed the question. “I’m not asking because I’m bitter or pissed off or because I’m sitting over here pining for you like some sort of lovesick fuck,” he said. “I think it’s pretty clear we’re both over each other.”
“Certainly.”
Was that sarcasm in her voice? Jonah refused to take the bait, so Viv took a deep breath and set down her scone.
“We had a great four years together,” she said. “Five, if you count the year before we married. Truly, I thought we’d stay together forever. Eventually, though?—”
“You lost feelings for me?”
There was a hard edge to the question, and Jonah hoped she heard it the right way. Not as an accusation, but as a shared joke.
“In our case, it wasn’t code for I’m boning someone else, as you so eloquently put it in the meeting.” Viv looked down at her scone. “I hope you know that.”
“I do.”
She looked up at him, and the earnestness in her expression made his chest feel tight. “I’m not fucking with you,” he said. “I believe you when you say there wasn’t anyone else.”
“Thank you.”
“But can you tell me what it was?”
She was quiet a long time, and Jonah wondered why he’d never had the balls to press for answers before. Sure, they’d talked about it before. When she’d asked for the divorce, she’d buried him in piles of psych-sounding words about the evolution of feelings and the inherent challenges of cohabitation.
But he’d never flat-out asked why.
“I guess when you get married for such a fragile reason, there’s always a risk.”
“When you get married for sex?”
The corner of her mouth tipped up just a little, but she didn’t smile. “Love,” she said. “I did love you, Jonah. But we humans have so little control over who we fall in love with in the first place. That also makes us powerless against falling out of love.” She bit her lip. “Obviously you can work at it. That’s what I teach people, of course.”
“Of course,” he murmured, though he couldn’t help noticing she’d framed it as an afterthought.
“But there’s only so much you can force. The human heart is a fickle thing. It stands to reason that a love-based marriage would be just as fickle.”
He started to argue. To insist there were plenty of strategies for staying in love. Plenty of books said how to do it—hell, Viv’s own books went on about it endlessly.
But the truth was, he didn’t disagree. Not completely, anyway.
Which was a pretty damn good reason he planned to avoid the whole love and marriage mess in the future.
Jonah picked up his scone and took a bite. It was probably time to end this line of conversation. Hell, he probably shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. It was just that he’d never gotten answers before.
Maybe this show was his ticket to closure and forgiveness.
