Page 88 of At the Heart of It
She shook her head to clear the voice and reached for one of the containers of food. Viv was in a meeting tonight, so at least there was no chance of her dropping by with the hope of wooing Jonah. Not that she’d do that here. Knowing Viv, she’d want to save all the best footage for when the cameras were on them.
Kate kept her eyes down, intent on the task of opening boxes and reading lids and trying to recall what she’d chosen. Beside her, Jonah began opening cartons to reveal a fragrant array of food.
As the silence stretched out, they took turns doling out spicy curry and coconut rice. Kate wondered what he was thinking. If this felt as awkward to him as it did to her. If he was as aware as she was of the warm body just a few inches away.
Once she’d filled her plate, Kate leaned back against the sofa and tucked one leg under herself. As she forked up her first bite of food, she thumbed through the index cards in her brain trying to find a topic of conversation. Something casual. Something friendly. Nothing that involved Viv or sex or marriage or?—
“How did Jossy lose her leg?” Kate bit her lip, pretty sure that wasn’t the fun quip she’d been aiming for.
The startled look on Jonah’s face underscored her suspicion.
“Sorry,” she said, eager to backpedal. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want. That’s a personal question and Jossy’s story to tell. That was really rude of me.”
“No, it’s fine. Jossy would be okay with you knowing. It isn’t a secret or anything.” He forked up a bite of curry and took a long time chewing it. Kate waited, unsure how to conduct herself. She stabbed at a piece of eggplant but couldn’t seem to get it onto her fork. At least the task gave her something to look at besides Jonah’s face.
“You just surprised me; that’s all,” Jonah said. “I was going to let the silence draw out a bit so you’d tell me whatever was on your mind. I thought I’d have to wait longer than that.”
Kate gave a small smile and took an equally small bite of pad thai. “My finesse might leave something to be desired, but I’m usually pretty direct.”
“That’s a good skill to have.”
He still hadn’t answered the question, so she waited. She was thinking of reiterating that he didn’t need to tell her anything when he finally spoke.
“When I was eighteen, Jossy was fifteen,” he said slowly. “I had my license before she did, so obviously I ended up driving her around a lot. It was one of the conditions our mom set before she helped me buy a car.”
Kate nodded and picked up her beer. She took a small sip but kept her eyes on Jonah. He wasn’t looking at her. He was staring down at his plate, a rare moment of avoiding eye contact. Even Marilyn and her eyebrows seemed aware of a shift in the mood. She lay quietly on the back of the sofa, paws stretched in front of her like a sphinx. Her eyes were closed, and her face seemed unusually devoid of judgment.
“One night, Jossy called me from a party and said she needed a ride,” Jonah continued. “I was in the middle of a date with a girl whose name I don’t even remember. Krista or Kristy or something like that. Anyway, I gave Jossy a hard time. Asked if there was someone else who could come pick her up.”
Kate watched the side of Jonah’s face, noticing the furrow between his brows. The way he stared at his own hands, the plate of food forgotten in front of him.
“Did you end up giving her a ride?” Kate’s voice was quiet, and she somehow knew what the answer would be before Jonah spoke.
“No,” he said. “I was a selfish teenage asshole who thought he had a shot at getting a blowjob that night, and Jossy—” He stopped there and drew a shaky breath. “Jossy got in a car with a bunch of older kids. Juniors. Most of them had been drinking.”
Oh, God. “The one behind the wheel?”
He nodded, gaze still fixed on his plate.
“Yeah. Yes.” He looked up at her then, and the sadness in his eyes hit her like a punch in the stomach. “It was my fault. My selfishness cost my sister her leg. Left her with a lifetime of shitty pain and doctor visits.”
“Jonah, no. You were just a kid.”
He shook his head like he hadn’t even heard her. “You want to know the worst of it?”
Kate nodded, though she wasn’t sure she did. How could it be worse?
“Jossy was a competitive cyclist,” he said. “She was really good, too. Fifteen years old and the USA Cycling team was already starting to let her train with them. She had a future.” He shook his head and set his beer down hard on the coaster. “A future I fucking ruined.”
It was on the tip of Kate’s tongue to insist that he couldn’t blame himself, but she stopped herself. Was there really a point to that? If he’d spent eighteen years telling himself it was his fault, no flippant remark from her would change that.
“Can she still ride a bike?” Kate asked in a soft tone. “I don’t know how prosthetic legs work, exactly.”
“It’s tougher when the amputation is above the knee like Jossy’s was,” he said. “There are computer-controlled knees that have settings for things like biking and skiing, but they’re insanely expensive. Hundreds of thousands of dollars once you factor in fittings and maintenance and things like that.”
“And insurance doesn’t cover it?”
“Most don’t,” he said.
