Page 106 of This Time Around
When Jack finally spoke, his voice came out crackly. “I’m sorry you went through that,” he said. “I—I guess I don’t know what to say. It must have been hard.”
Allie nodded again, not trusting herself to form words.
“I imagine it was scary and sad to go through that alone,” he said, and she nodded again like a dumb puppet.
He drew his hand back, breaking contact with her for the first time since this conversation began. Allie felt herself shiver. He didn’t say anything else. Not for a long time.
“We went looking at wedding venues that week,” he said.
Allie looked up, surprised he’d remembered that detail. “Yes. I—I guess we did.”
“It was that same week,” he said. “Because I’d loved that damn concert at the Gorge so much I suggested we find a place nearby. But you wanted to keep the wedding closer to home. I remember you saying that. That you wanted it to be a place that held meaning for both of us.”
“That’s right,” Allie said, wondering why she’d forgotten until now.
“We must have visited six or seven places that week. And you went through it all knowing you wanted to split up,” he said. “So much so that you hid a pregnancy from me. An abortion.”
Allie’s eyes stung and her throat felt thick and tender. “I’m sorry.”
He dragged his fingers through his hair, and the helplessness of the gesture pulled the breath out of her lungs.
“Allie,” he said, and the crack in his voice made her chest ache. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I would have wanted to know. To be involved. To at least talk with you or comfort you or?—”
“I understand,” she said. “But Jack—I made the best decision I could at the time. I knew we couldn’t get married, and I didn’t trust myself not to cave if you begged me. Don’t you see? I couldn’t have done things any differently.”
She watched his throat move as he swallowed. Then he gave a sad little head shake. “That’s not what bothers me most, Allie. Not the abortion. Not what happened sixteen years ago. I’m bothered about now.”
“What do you mean?”
“This—this—pattern. This habit of hiding things. Of cheerfully going through the motions and covering up anything that doesn’t fit the story you’ve written in your mind.”
“I don’t?—”
“You do,” he said, hurt still flashing in his eyes. “You pretended Wade was your fiancé, and then you said you were just friends. Only it turns out he actually was your fiancé at one point, and you neglected to mention it. And then there’s this money—” He gestured toward the chest, a wild look in his eye. “Were you even going to tell me about the reporting requirements? About the fact that I’m as legally bound as you are to report it to authorities?”
“I thought if I just waited?—”
“How long?” he demanded. “How long are you planning to sit on this, Allie? To pretend it’s not here? To convince yourself of some ridiculous fairytale about your grandmother squirreling it away instead of accepting that your parents are thieves and this money is part of that.”
The words felt like a kick to the chest. Allie blinked back the tears, struck by the fact that he was right.
“Jack,” she whispered. “I’m sorry. I should have said something.”
Her apology sounded hollow, and she wasn’t even sure what she was apologizing for. Wade? The money? For not telling him about the pregnancy? All of it?
He was staring at the trunk again, though she sensed he wasn’t really seeing it. She could tell his mind was someplace else, someplace outside this attic, outside this moment entirely.
When he met her eyes again, it was like he’d already left the room.
“It’s always going to be like that, isn’t it?” he asked softly.
“Like what?”
“You covering up anything that doesn’t mesh with the perfect version of events that you’ve mapped out in your mind. You with all your secrets and me sitting here wondering when you plan to clue me in or drop the next bombshell.”
“Jack, no.” She shook her head, though she couldn’t think of any argument to counter what he’d just said. “I can earn your trust, Jack. Please. I can work on it.”
“I don’t think so,” he said. “You’ve had a long time to figure out how to be forthcoming, Allie. If it doesn’t come naturally for you, it’s never going to.”
