Page 68 of This Time Around
A faint buzz filled the back of Jack’s brain, and he didn’t know why.
Okay, he kind of knew why. He took a slug of wine, buying some time before he responded. “You were engaged to Wade?”
“Yes.”
“But I thought—I thought you said that was fake.”
“It was fake the other night.” Allie nibbled her lip. “But not six years ago.”
He watched her look down and start spreading cheese on a Ritz Cracker, and couldn’t help wondering if she was avoiding his eyes on purpose.
“We dated for less than six months and we were only engaged for about three weeks,” she said. “We really didn’t even get started planning a wedding. It felt more like a business arrangement than anything.”
“How romantic.”
The bite in his voice was unmistakable, and he kind of hated himself for it. Allie looked up, and he couldn’t tell if it was anger or hurt in her eyes. He braced himself to do battle. To have her fire back something about his judgmental bullshit so he could retort with an asshole comment of his own. It was a pattern he knew well, and he was ready to do his part.
But she didn’t take the bait. “Wade and I were great friends from the start. We thought maybe we should be more than that, and we did a pretty good job convincing ourselves for a couple months. But the chemistry just wasn’t there, and I think we both knew it. It ended fast, and on good terms.”
Something flared in Jack’s chest—pride? Jealousy? Neither of which he was entitled to in this particular case. “No chemistry,” he said. Repeating it didn’t make it sound any less intimate, so he decided to just ask what he was thinking. “So you’re saying he’s lousy in bed?”
Her cheeks went faintly pink and she raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m not saying that at all. Just that we weren’t good together.” She took a sip of wine, not meeting his eyes. “He dates a lot of women. He’s got a bit of a reputation for it, actually. I’m sure he makes plenty of women swoon.”
“But not you.”
He deliberately omitted the question mark in his tone, not sure he wanted her to answer and disagree. Some small, dickhead part of him wanted to just believe the guy never made her cry out and arch her back the way she used to do with him. That Jack had been the only one to hear that soft little whimper she made right before she toppled over the edge.
Allie looked at him. She set her wineglass down, and he thought she was going to kick him out. He deserved it. He drained his own glass and set it on the table a little harder than he meant to, bracing himself for the words.
But instead of pointing him to the door, Allie grabbed his hands. She held them both in hers, thumbs gliding over his knuckles for a moment as she looked in his eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
Jack blinked, pretty sure he’d heard her wrong. “What?”
“I said I’m sorry.”
“What on earth for?”
“For the way I broke our engagement. I know this is the path guys go down in their minds—‘Was it because I sucked in bed?’ or ‘Did I not make enough money for her?’ Now that I’ve had a few broken engagements and a lot more life experience, I know those are the things men think. I’m sorry if you ever felt that way.”
Jack swallowed, even more pissed at himself now. Annoyed by the stupid lump in his throat. Annoyed by the fact that he was being such a bastard right now.
Mostly though, annoyed for still caring so much.
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not,” she said. “I treated marriage and engagement too cavalierly for a long time. That wasn’t right, and I’m sorry you had to bear the brunt of me growing up and figuring everything out the hard way.”
He nodded and felt a dull ache in his chest. “I’m sorry, too.” He cleared his throat. “For a lot of things sixteen years ago. But especially for right now. For being a jealous prick. You listened to me go on and on about my marriage without batting an eyelash. I should have been as gracious about it as you were.”
Allie gave him a small smile, the one he used to call her Cheshire cat look. “I’m just a better actor than you are.”
He laughed. “I guess that’s always been true.” He hesitated, not sure he had the right to ask what he wanted to. “So did it make you feel jealous? The stuff I told you, I mean.”
“Not jealous, exactly. I guess it’s more wistful. Like I missed out on something I always thought I’d get to be part of.” She shrugged and looked down at their interlaced fingers. “That’s true for a lot of things, I guess.”
“It is.” He cleared his throat. “But I guess we probably have to accept the fact that we’ve both had a few serious relationships with other people these last sixteen years. We’ve fallen in love with other people, made life plans with other people, maybe even had sex with other people.”
