Page 110 of About that Fling
Adam blinked, wondering if he’d heard her wrong. “What?”
She closed her eyes again, the guilt etched plainly in her face. “I broke up with him. I said I didn’t want to get married and that we needed to call off the engagement. I said it wasn’t about having kids or not having kids or anything to do with that. I just knew I didn’t want to marry him. I knew it before I said yes, and I knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt right then.”
“I see.” His chest ached for her, even as he struggled to understand.
“The thing is, it was true. I didn’t want to marry him. He wasn’t the one.” She closed her eyes, her face so creased in pain that Adam felt his own throat tightening. “That evening, I went home and started having cramps. I wasn’t sure at first—it was so early in the pregnancy, and it can be hard to tell.”
“You had a miscarriage that same night?” Of all the horrible timing.
She nodded and opened her eyes to look at him. “Part of me wondered if I made it happen. The lying, the cheating, the deceit.”
“It couldn’t have been your fault,” he said, feeling dumb offering such an empty platitude.
She shook her head. “I never told Shawn about the pregnancy or the miscarriage. He never knew. Hell, he probably still doesn’t. He barely looked up from his phone when Mia said what she did just now.”
Adam stared at her, trying to wrap his brain around the magnitude of it all. “Who knows about this?”
“Only your ex-wife,” she whispered, shaking her head. “Everything’s so tangled up. Mia knew about the miscarriage, but Shawn didn’t. And Mia didn’t know Shawn didn’t know, because what kind of woman would hide that from the man she’d planned to marry? And I let Mia assume it was my fiancé who got me pregnant because the truth was so much more complicated and—” She choked out a sob, her voice rising higher. “Shawn knew I was sneaking off to meet you after pizza a few weeks ago, but Mia was completely in the dark about that. And about the gun range, God. Gert knew I’d been seeing you, but I didn’t tell her where we went this weekend so she wouldn’t have to lie to Mia and?—”
“God, what a mess.” He said it without thinking, then flinched at the hurt in her eyes. “Jenna?—”
“Gert’s agent knew I was trying to keep her story suppressed, but Gert didn’t.” She kept going, almost like she needed to get it all out. Like the lies and half-truths had been poisoning her from the inside. “I eventually told Gert I went to Seattle with you, but Mia still doesn’t know.” She was sobbing in earnest now—big, heaving gasps that made her shoulders shake. “I’ve spun such a ridiculous web of deceit and cover-ups, just trying to keep things under control. But I’m not even sure what’s real anymore.”
Adam swallowed, his chest tight with emotion. “And the whole thing blew up in your face tonight.”
She nodded, watching his face for a response. Adam didn’t have one. He didn’t know what to think, what to feel. Tears streamed down her face, and part of him wanted to put his arms around her and comfort her. Part of him wanted to walk away.
He stood rooted in place, torn in two once again.
Jenna wiped her eyes. “I’ve tried so hard to keep everything under control. To protect the people I care about—” A ragged sob choked out the rest of her words. He waited for her to continue, but she didn’t elaborate. She was locking her feelings down tight.
Part of him knew where it came from. Her habit of hiding the truth when she thought it might hurt someone wasn’t a trait she’d pulled from thin air. She’d learned from her mother that was how to show love.
But understanding that didn’t make this any easier.
Part of him wanted to hate her. Part of him loved her so fiercely he almost forgot how to breathe. “Jenna?—”
“You should go, Adam.”
“What?”
“I can’t,” she said, sniffling. “I just—I can’t. I’m so done.”
“Done,” he repeated, not sure he understood what she meant. “Done with what?”
“With everything. With this whole tangled-up mess of secrets and betrayals. I fucked up too badly to fix, Adam.” Her voice sounded hollow and her eyes looked so haunted. “I don’t have anything under control. I’m done.”
The words sounded brittle, her voice like someone else completely. He nodded numbly, the echo of the word in his brain.
Done.
With him?
The finality in her eyes, the stiffness in her posture, told him the answer.
Maybe it was best. She looked up at him then, tears shimmering in her eyes. Waiting for him to stop her? Or waiting for him to say his goodbyes.
“Adam! Jenna!”
