Page 25 of About that Fling
“Is that a form of dialogue that doesn’t involve yelling and throwing things?”
“That’s the funny thing about dialogue,” he said, fingers brushing the loose strand of hair again. “People think it’s two people talking, but it’s actually meant to be one person talking and the other listening. We’re going to work on listening techniques with the group—something called mirroring—to ensure people are feeling heard.”
She nodded, her expression intrigued as she leaned a little closer to him. “Do it to me.”
Adam’s breath caught in his throat, and he fought the urge to reach for her. “Pardon?”
“I want to understand how it works,” she said, laughing as she turned her whole body to face him, drawing her bare legs up between them on the bench so her knees touched the side of his thigh. “Come on, Imago me.”
“I’m not sure Imago is meant to be a verb, though it sounds pleasantly dirty when you say it like that.” Adam cleared his throat and wondered if he should remind her they still hadn’t dealt with the wine on her dress. He should probably do that, get some more salt on the stain, or call the front desk to?—
“Okay, first things first,” he said, his gut giving a pleasant twist as she leaned against his arm, the side of her breast grazing his sleeve. “Let’s do a little role-play.”
“I assume you don’t mean the kind where I dress up as a naughty schoolgirl and get called to the principal’s office?”
He laughed, wondering if she was channeling her aunt’s note again. It seemed like a sex goddess sort of thing to say, not that Adam was complaining. He didn’t want to make her self-conscious, so he continued on.
“We’ll save the schoolgirl costume for another time. With this sort of role-playing, you’ll be the sender and I’ll be the receiver. Let’s pretend you have something you’d like to express to me. For now, we’ll make it an appreciation, though this type of dialogue is also helpful for expressing something that’s bothering you.”
“An appreciation,” she repeated, nodding.
“You start by saying that—I’d like to express an appreciation. And you check to make sure this is an okay time for the receiver.”
“I’d like to express an appreciation,” she parroted, smiling. “Is this a good time for you?”
“I’m available now.”
Her nose wrinkled, but she was still smiling. “This feels weird. It’s not a normal way of talking.”
“It always feels weird at first. The point is that the normal way of talking isn’t working—at least, not with the bargaining team—so we’re trying something new with a structure we’ve all agreed on.”
“Okay, I’d like to express an appreciation,” she said, smiling up at him as her knee pressed against the side of his leg. “I appreciate your eyes. You have great eyes.”
He laughed, taken aback. “An appreciation isn’t usually meant to be of a physical trait, but thank you.”
“No, really—I like the way you make eye contact. You look me right in the eye, always. Like, sometimes I can’t tell if you even blink.”
Adam nodded, flattered she’d chosen something he’d worked to improve over the years. Eye contact used to make him uncomfortable, especially in the courtroom when he’d argue cases in front of hostile judges or defiant witnesses.
Your lousy eye contact makes you seem untrustworthy, Mia had told him years ago, the irony of the suggestion lost on him until much later. Still, he’d vowed to work on it.
It said something that Jenna had noticed.
“Okay, so now it’s my job to mirror and check for accuracy,” he said. “I’d say something like, ‘let me see if I’ve got you—I heard you say you like the way I hold eye contact. Did I get that right?’”
“Yes,” she said, the syllable a little breathless tripping from her tongue. “That’s right.”
“Is there more?” he asked. “That’s part of the dialogue—I ask you if there’s more, which opens the door for you to share something else. Like maybe how it makes you feel or why eye contact is important to you.”
“Okay,” she said, “I was engaged once and my fiancé had this habit of looking at his phone all the time, even when I was talking. It drove me batty, made me feel like he didn’t care what I had to say. I love that it always feels like I have your undivided attention.”
“You do,” Adam breathed, losing his place in the conversation. “Okay, now I use the mirroring technique again. I heard you say your fiancé spent a lot of time checking his phone instead of looking at you when you were talking, and that frustrated you and made you feel like he didn’t care what you were saying. You appreciate having my undivided attention, and the eye contact lets you know you have it. Is there more?”
“More?”
“The point of the exercise is to continue drawing out what you’re trying to express to make sure you know I’m hearing you. This is a good place for you to tell me more about how the eye contact makes you feel.”
“God, this is a bizarre way to talk,” she said. “Okay, yes, there’s more. When you make eye contact, it makes me feel listened to. Understood. Noticed. Appreciated.”
