Page 57 of Out of the Shadow

“A demisexual is someone who can’t find it in themselves to be sexually attracted to someone unless they’re emotionally connected. That’s you. You’ve only ever been with Dante and you were in love.”

“Well, duh. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?”

She tucks her hair behind her ear, but it springs back almost immediately. “Before I got married, I dated my fair share. I wasn’t looking for forever, but I certainly wasn’t celibate.”

I’m about to scoff and walk off, but something she says hits and sticks. It’s hard to admit it, even to myself, but I miss sex. I miss physical intimacy. With another person. Clearly that’s the reason I’ve been falling all over King. “I don’t know how to separate the two,” I admit.

“That’s your problem.” She wraps her arm around my shoulders. “Come with me and let your big sister give you some pointers.”

She steers me up the stairs and into her childhood bedroom, which is now Mama’s craft room. We take a seat on the daybed. “You do know it is possible to have sex with someone, no strings attached. Just sex. And it can blow your mind.”

Yes, I know you can do the act without love. I’ve just never had the urge before. With Dante, I was all in. I mull over her statements and throw up my hands. “I have no idea how to do this.”

“All you have to do is set some ground rules. Like don’t go out on dates with King, just get together and have sex. Don’t spend the night with each other. And don’t text each other with stupid cutesy stuff like ‘thinking of you.’” She uses air quotes around her last phrase.

“What you’re saying is get together, have sex, and leave. No contact other than what the TV show and the office require.”

She nods. “That’s it! Easy. Mind-blowing sex with no strings attached. You don’t need to find another soul mate to enjoy being a woman.”

Her words strike a chord with me. King has a great body, that’s for sure. And based on the tabloid coverage of his crazy lifestyle, he knows how to use it.Hecertainly isn’t celibate. “I might. Possibly. Be able. To do this,” I stammer.

“Great!” She claps and leans in. “I was worried your vagina was drying up.”

Ignoring her rude comment, I mumble, “This might work.”

Juliana smiles. “I know it will. You’ll be a former demisexual in no time.” She stands. “Come on, let’s go back downstairs before Mama sends Leo looking for us.” She heads out of the room.

Remaining on the daybed, I replay our conversation. King told me he’s not looking for love. And I’m not either. Maybe a casual hook-up would be okay? He certainly isn’t soul mate material, but the looks he keeps giving me tell me he’s interested. And the way he kisses…

An hour later, King escorts me into his convertible and we begin the trek back to Aroostook. I keep thinking about what Juliana said to me. My attraction to King is undeniable—if I can keep my emotions out of it, we could have fun.

Getting onto the Southern State Highway, King says, “Thank you, I had a great time. Your family is so … big.”

I play with my hair. “There are quite a few of us. You seemed to get along with everyone.”

His broad chest expands. “I liked them. Nonna is a riot, by the way.”

I smile. “She’s awesome, that’s for sure. I’m happy you enjoyed yourself.”

He switches lanes. “And Lucia even gave me a standing invitation to come back.”

“Mama always liked strays.” I flinch as soon as the words leave my mouth. “I didn’t mean it that way. What I meant was—”

King reaches out and places his hand on top of my shoulder. “I know what you meant. It was very nice of her.”

“Yeah.” He removes his hand, although my brain registers how nice and sturdy it felt on my body. I bet the rest of him would feel good, too. I’ve held his hand a few times, and it was large and capable. His callouses might be interesting against my skin. Like how his lips feel against mine. I bite my bottom lip, and he jerks and turns on the radio.

“Oh, P!nk,” he blurts. “I love her. She’s awesome.”

I tilt my head. “Have you met her?”

King blushes. He actuallyturns a shade of red and runs a hand across his stubble. “Yeah. At a couple of parties out in LA.”

“Must be nice.” The words fall out of my mouth without thought.

“She’s friends with some of my friends.”

Yet another sign that our lives don’t fit together. I inhale and look out the window.This is good. Another reason for no-strings sex. Casual. Convenient. And when he returns to LA, it won’t matter to me. Yes, very good. King could rid me of my demisexuality. If that’s even a thing.

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