Page 37 of Hold Still

McKenna

THE NEXT MORNING,I walk out of my bedroom and bump into Mom. “Oh, sorry! I didn’t see you there.”

“It’s okay, McKenna. I heard you up and was coming to see what you’d like for breakfast.”

I check the clock. Ozzy didn’t ask me over for a specific time, and I want to share a good morning with Mom, since it looks like she’s herself for now. Besides, Elaine doesn’t come for another hour.

“What are you having?”

“I was thinking scrambled eggs. You know, the ones you like, with the cheese in them.”

My mouth waters. She hasn’t made these in so long—and no matter how hard I try, I can’t replicate her recipe. “Sounds good to me.” I place my laptop case by the door and join her in the kitchen.

We talk about all sorts of topics, like we used to do. Before Mom’s memory started failing. Before Daddy was killed. Placing those awful thoughts back into their proper mental compartment, I engage about her plans for the day.

“So, I was thinking about going shopping for a new dress.”

I blink several times. She doesn’t get out much anymore—only to doctor appointments. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” She motions to the blue dress she’s wearing. “I like this one, but I need something new. Maybe in purple.” She picks up my hair. “Like this.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“I can wear it tomorrow. It’s Thanksgiving, you know. We still need to go grocery shopping.”

How could I have forgotten? It’s my favorite holiday—but Ozzy’s been taking up so much space in my brain that there’s been little room for other things. Not even Mom. Better right this train, pronto. “You’ll look beautiful. I’m making us a turkey.” Thank God I ordered it a month ago. It’s been brining for a few days. “And I have a grocery delivery scheduled.”

She nods. “Great! I’ll make the side dishes today, so all we have to do is heat them up tomorrow.” Yes. Just like old times. Only now Elaine will be here to ensure there’s no mishaps.

Plating the scrambled eggs and bacon, she tells me to set the table then joins me with the plates. We both dig in. “This is the best, Mom,” I say between mouthfuls.

“I agree,” say says, enjoying her breakfast. “So tell me, what’s your new project all about?”

“I’m finishing up the graphics for the local charity that fosters art in schools. Working with a musician who’s writing new songs for it.” I take my last bite of my eggs. “I think it’s my best work.”

“Sounds great, McKenna. You’re going to have to show it to me when you’re done.”

Once we finish and clean up, I pick up my laptop case. Since she’s doing so well, I think it’s safe for me to leave before Elaine gets here. She’ll be here soon anyway. “I’ll be home around the same time as the past few days, around six or so. I might eat while I’m out, though. I have a lot of work to do.”

“Have fun with Mateo!”

I stop as if I hit a brick wall. With deliberate movements, I turn to face Mom, whose eyes have taken on a cloudy sheen. I remind myself she doesn’t know what she said. She doesn’t remember what my ex-boyfriend did to Daddy and to me. But I do for the both of us.

Inhaling air instead of gulping it, I reply, “Matt’s away.” Hopefully I’ll never have to see his face ever again. He still has years to go. Forever’s too short. Needing an escape, my hand reaches out for the doorknob. “I’ve got to get to work.”

“Oh, right. Of course, dear.” She smiles and sits down on her chair in front of the television.

Placing my work bag on the floor, I move to kneel at her feet. “You know, on second thought, work can wait for a little bit.”

“I don’t want you to get in trouble with your boss.”

“Everything will be fine, Mom.” She forgot I was fired and started my own freelance career, and I’m sure she’s forgotten our breakfast conversation already. I stroke her hair. “Would you like to do some knitting?”

“Sounds delightful.” She looks around for her yarn and picks it up. “What would you like me to make for you?”

“Anything you make would be wonderful.”

“I think I’ll make you a hat. I’ve never made one before, so it might be a little funny, but you’ll like it, I hope. You’ll need something to keep your head warm since the weather’s changing.” She smiles and the knitting needles clack.

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