“Come on,” he pleads, giving me his version of puppy eyes. Kas never really looks innocent. There’s always a deviousness in his gaze.
“Fine.”
His wicked grin grows. “Do I get to say it?” he teases.
“No.”
His smile doesn’t falter. “Well, I love you anyway.”
I shake my head, digging into my food. Those three words aren’t new to Kaspian. He’s said them to me several times over the last few years. Mostly in the bedroom when he’s overcome with desire. Sometimes when I give him what he wants.
I accept his version of love, and that hebelieveshe loves me, and he understands why I won’t say it. Love isn’t an emotion I feel. I don’t think I was born with the capability to truly love anyone. I need Kaspian, and I believe needing and wanting someone the way I do him is better than love.
Plenty of people say they’re in love, and yet, they are the ones who hurt their partner the most. They betray them before they leave them. They abuse them and say it’s out of love. People might assume what Kas and I have is toxic, but you won’t convince me that there aren’t worse relationships out there. Sure, we may kill people, but we don’t treat each other like shit.
We finish our dinner and clean up before changing into more weather appropriate clothing. I bite my tongue to keep from asking about what he wants to do, since he’s dead set on spontaneity, but just walking out there with no plan and knives in our pockets fills me with dread.
Outside, we find a path that cuts between trees and follows the perimeter of the lake. Kas has a small flashlight to make sure we don’t trip on any fallen branches, but without that tiny beam, it’s completely pitch-black.
“Looks like everyone is in their cabins,” I tell him.
“You don’t smell that?” he asks. “Someone has a fire going. We can be friendly neighbors and introduce ourselves.”
“That’s probably half a mile away.”
“Half a mile is too long for you?” he teases.
“When it’s twenty-six degrees, it is.”
Kas clicks off the flashlight when the moon peeks between the trees, giving us just enough illumination to not fall on our faces.
“Just a little farther,” he says.
We walk for another ten minutes before he puts a hand on my chest and stops me. “Shh.”
I follow his gaze and then I hear a splash followed by a door closing a minute later.
Kaspian moves closer toward the water, his steps careful as he uses the trees to hide behind.
When he stops, I look around his shoulder. There’s a truck backed up to the lake.
“What’s he doing?” Kas whispers.
“Night fishing?” I ask.
Kas gives me a look. “Did you hear that splash?” he questions. “Did he throw a fucking shark back?”
The truck starts up, but the lights don’t come on. Kas and I slink back behind the tree and watch the guy drive away.
“Let’s follow him.”
I open my mouth to question what the plan is, but he’s already jogging down the path.
It doesn’t take too long before we’re slowing down, a small cabin coming into view. The lights are on, and a fire is burning inside a metal bin. In the front is the same truck we just saw.
“He’s up to something,” Kas whispers, vapor blowing into the air with his words.
I bring his scarf up to cover his mouth, and the man appears from the cabin, throwing what looks like clothes into the fire.