Page 106 of The Ninth Element

No one has ever cared for me like this.

But the words catch in my throat, and as always, my tongue feels heavy and useless to put words to my thoughts and feelings.

But maybe he doesn’tneeda response. Maybe this is just a release. He senses our time might be running out, that the trials are drawing to a close, and our paths might diverge, perhaps forever. Maybe he just needed tosayit, to unload the burden of this long-held secret, understanding it might soon be swallowed by the inevitable distance between us. So I sit in silence, cherishing this moment of connection and unexpected intimacy, even as I mourn its possible end.

The night surrounds us like a vast, silent expanse, with only the stars as our companions. Dawn feels impossibly distant, and for this one precious moment, I want to hold onto this fragile peace, suspend time, and ignore the chaos that waits for us when we return to Jahanwatch.

But just as I begin to surrender to the stillness, to the quiet comfort of this shared solitude, Zanyar turns to me, and his face shifts. “Arien, about my offer… will you reconsider?”

My gaze meets his, watching me intently, and I open my mouth to respond, to say…something, but the words evaporate. My mind is blank, a frustrating, terrifying void where answers should be, and I shake my head helplessly. “I… I don’t know.”

He turns fully toward me, and suddenly, he’s too close. He invades my space, not aggressively, but… completely. He places a warm and gentle hand on my arm, and I instinctively arch into the contact with a subtle, involuntary movement. I’m trapped, not by walls, but byhim, by the sheer force of his presence.

“Arien.” My name on his lips is a low, urgent sound. His warm breath ghosts across my face, and I find myself struggling to breathe. But I can’t look away. I’m caught, mesmerized, held captive by the intensity of his gaze, a gaze that has always held a strange, unsettling power over me.

“I was wrong. I should have told you everything. From the beginning. It was a mistake. I’m not… I’m not… emotions… they’re not something I understand easily, let alone express. And I confess, I still question the nature of my feelings; that’s why I wanted to take time to understand them better when we were in Aramis, away from Firelands’s watch. I also didn’t want to frighten you or overwhelm you.”

He takes a shaky breath. “But my plan was foolish. I thought your chances in the trials were slim without allies. I thought, when you lost, I could offer you a new life in Aramis. And then, eventually, when we knew each other better when I was more certain about my feelings, I could tell you the truth.” He shakes his head, a flicker of self-disgust crossing his face. “But I was wrong. I underestimated you. Like all the other Ahiras. You proved that you could win. And I know that youwillwin, if you choose to.”

Gods, he’s close. I bite my lip in an attempt to anchor myself, to find some semblance of control, but it only makes things worse. His gaze drops to my lips, and like the arena, it lingers there with a silent, possessive claim that sends a tremor through my entire body. The air between us feels like kindling, ready to burn at the first suggestion of heat.

He inhales a slow, deep, almost shuddering breath as if he’s trying to memorize my scent. The sheer intimacy of it, the raw, unspoken need radiating from him, is almost unbearable. The way he’s looking at my mouth… there’s more than hunger in his eyes. It’s like he’s been holding himself back for an eternity, and the restraint is about to shatter.

I swallow, unable to decide what to do. I don’t know how to react. This closeness, this overwhelming intensity, it’s completely foreign. I’ve never prepared myself mentally for a situation like this. I’ve never…

My lips part, unbidden. It’s a small, involuntary gasp, but the movement seems to break the haze in his eyes. His gaze snaps back to mine, and they’re burning with a fierce, almost predatory green fire that steals the air from my lungs. It prickles my skin. Makes my heart thunder.

He’s so close I can feel the heat radiating from his body like a tangible warmth. I can see the faint stubble shadowing his jaw, the pulse throbbing in his throat, the slight tremor in his hands. And that suspense is somehow more terrifying than if he’d simply kissed me.

Do you want him to kiss you?

The question, unbidden and unwanted, explodes in my mind like a silent scream. And I… I don’t know. My mind is filled with conflicting emotions: anxiety, fear, disbelief, yes, but also desire, a shameful, undeniable longing that claws at me, that makes my breath catch, my body tremble.

All I know, with a sudden, rushing clarity, is that I need toescape. To run. To hide. To retreat back to the safety of my inner walls and the familiar, cold comfort of my suppressed emotions. This exposure, this raw, unfiltered need radiating from him… It’s too much. It’s terrifying. I don’t want to face it or assess my reaction to it. I never asked for it.

I think he sees the panic in my eyes because his face… it doesn’t harden, not exactly. But something shifts. The vulnerability and desire recede, replaced by a fierce determination.

“Arien.” His voice is not the soft murmur of moments before, nor is it a command. It’s something in between. It’s a raw, urgent appeal edged with steel. “You have to come to Aramis. I’m not asking you to give up your dreams for a man you barely know, but you need to reconsider the path you’re choosing. Martysh is consumed by the Star. It’s their driving force, their obsession. If you join them, you’ll be swept up in that obsession, dragged into a dangerous quest that could very well destroy you. Is that what you truly want? Don’t throw your life away chasing a phantom, Arien. Don’t get lost in Martysh’s centuries-long obsession.”

“Centuries?” The word escapes me in a strangled gasp.

“Yes,” he confirms, his voice low and serious. “Martysh was founded on the search for the Star. It’s been their driving purpose for generations. I know you’re afraid of being trapped in Firelands, but Aramis offers freedom. A chance to learn and grow. You’d meet people from all corners of the continent and experience things you’ve only dreamed of. I’m not saying this out of selfishness. I genuinely care about your happiness. I admit,” he adds, a hint of vulnerability creeping back into his voice, “I want you near me. I want to get to know you, the real you. But even if that weren’t a factor, I’d still be saying this. Martysh, it’s a dangerous path, Arien.”

His words are turning into a plea, but beneath the surface, I hear the echo of command, the ingrained expectation of obedience. Doubt coils in my stomach. The weight of this decision, of choosing a future right at this moment, is suffocating me, amplified by the urgency in his voice.

“I… I need time,” I whisper, desperate for space, for air. “Time to think. About all of this.”

“Thereisno time,” Zanyar says with a sharp voice. “The final trial is imminent. I can feel it. "

Cold reality crashes back into my gut. “You can’t force me to decide right now. Not like this.”

I try to stand up and move away from him, but his grip tightens on my arms. With me still held in place, he closes his eyes for a moment. He takes a deep breath as if trying to control himself. When he opens his eyes again, the warmth is gone, replaced by a chilling determination—a resolve that sends a shiver of pure fear down my body. My heart hammers like a trapped bird. Pulling my arms out of his grip, I rise to my feet.

“Why did you bring me here?” I demand, my voice trembling as I take a step back. My heel scrapes against loose gravel.

Panic explodes in my chest like a cold, suffocating wave. Everything suddenly feels wrong. His actions tonight—choosing me as a partner, showing unexpected softness during the mission, the confession, and now his forceful demand disguised as a plea—seem calculated. It feels like he’s been playing a game and would do anything to ensure my compliance.

“Calm down, Arien,” Zanyar says, his voice deceptively smooth, but the words do nothing to soothe the rising panic inside me.

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