Page 21 of Until the End

There have been lots of times when I’ve questioned what she would’ve done in a situation and based my decision on her potential choice. It’s one of the many reasons why I hate that Wesley got the best of me. Gia never would’ve let a man treat her the way he treated me.

“What’s Teddy up to tonight?” I ask Lottie.

Her eyes fill with love at just the thought of her man. What would it be like to love and be loved like that? “He went to Donna’s with Noah. The two of them have gotten close over the last month.” Noah is six years older than us, so it’s not surprising to hear that Carson’s brother has befriended Teddy.

Gia turns her body to see Lottie better. “How are the renovations going?”

“Great. It’s been tough to make design choices, though. Neither of us knows what we’re doing. We’ll pick ones we like, and Levi will say we’re idiots to match those together.”

I snort. “I would be awful at doing stuff like that.”

“Have Aunt Natalie help you,” Gia suggests. Carson’s mom is brilliant when it comes to design.

“Oh, great idea. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before. I’ll see if we can get together with Levi to order stuff.”

Thinking about Carson brings back the memory of how he looked at me last night. For a moment there, I thought he was going to kiss me. Then the oven beeped, and it was over. What could that have been about? We’d only been halfway through a glass of wine, so I can’t blame it on either of us being drunk.

And once we had dinner, it was like it never happened. He was his same old goofy self. Except we didn’t cuddle while we watched the movie. The past few times he’s come over for dinner, we would go down to my small movie room and sit together on the loveseat in the middle. Usually, I’d lie against his chest with his arm around me while the movie played. Last night, he sat in the recliner next to the loveseat.

Maybe that was his way of redrawing our boundaries. We’d been touching each other way more often these past few weeks—much more than we ever have before. He could’ve been uncomfortable and needed to put some space between us.

My brain says it’s smart, but my heart hurts with the distance. Those little touches healed me in ways I hadn’t noticed until they were gone. They reminded me that someone can be soft and loving without requiring anything in return. There’s never any pressure from Carson to reciprocate his love. He’s always given it freely.

“What’s on your mind?” Gia squeezes my thigh, her expression making it clear she’s willing to listen.

“Is it possible to fall for a person right after getting out of a shitty relationship?”

Lottie’s gaze flicks to Gia before coming back to me. “Sure, it’s possible. It’s important to do the work on yourself first, though. You don’t want to find your healing in another person. That will only put too much pressure on you both.”

“You should talk to Aunt Hope,” Gia says.

Ryan’s mom went through a shitty relationship before she moved to Sonoma. She’d know exactly how I’m feeling. “I’ve been thinking about it. I just… She went through twice as much as I did. How do I compare my story to hers?”

“You don’t.” Lottie sits up. “Honey, your trauma is your own. No one is going to judge or blame you for what happened. Aunt Hope knows what it’s like to be manipulatedby people who were supposed to love you. She knows the feelings you’re struggling with right now and could probably help you find a therapist to work through this stuff.”

“Where’s this coming from?” Gia asks.

My cheeks heat as I contemplate telling them about the moment between me and Carson. What if I made it up? It could’ve all been in my head. “I think Carson almost kissed me last night,” I blurt out. “But I’m not sure. I could’ve mistaken it for something else. Or just imagined the whole thing.”

Gia’s eyebrows shoot up her forehead. A significant look passes between Gia and Lottie.

“What? What’s happening?” I look back and forth between them.

“Did you want him to kiss you?” Gia asks carefully.

“That’s why I asked if I could move on so soon after Wesley. I did want him to kiss me. More than I’ve ever wanted anything, actually.”

A silent conversation passes between Lottie and Gia.

“What’s going on? Why do you keep looking at each other?”

Lottie bites her lip. “We don’t know anything about what happened last night, but there’s a chance Carson might have a thing for you.”

“A chance?” I stare down my sister, knowing she won’t hold back the truth.

“Gin, why do you think he’s been spending so much time with you? I mean, the man helped you escape your wedding, for fuck’s sake.”

“I just thought he was taking care of me.”

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