Page 40 of Shameless Vows

I blink rapidly. “Malachi?What is—”

He draws the backs of his fingers across my cheek again. “Don’t worry about anything, baby girl.”He chuckles quietly, but gleefully, and leans forward to kiss my forehead.“Our parents are going to be pissed, I know, but I honestly couldn’t care less.”

My heart is slamming rapidly against my sternum, and he shifts to lie down next to me. Wrapping one arm around my shoulders, he pulls me to lay with my head on his bare chest. “Don’t think about them. Think about us, and think about the magical little life we created. Think about how this is going to let us bypass all the bullshit and move straight toward everything we’ve always wanted most.”He holds me even closer, and I melt against him as he kisses my temple.“Everyone can go ahead and be pissed. That won’t change the fact that we’re going to be so happy for the rest of our lives. And they’ll get over it eventually.”

He continues to kiss my head, and I focus on the sound of his heart and the deep rumble of his voice in his chest. “I love you so much. World without end and beyond my last breath, I will love you, my sweet Isla.”

Tears burn my eyes and slip over the side of my nose to soak the skin of his chest. “I love you, too. I miss you. Where did you go? Where did you go,cariño? What happened? What did I do to you? I wish you would tell me, because I’m so sorry.”

The dizzying effect of fatigue drags me deeper into sleep, but the words persist.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I miss you. I love you.”

“YOU NEED TOEAT,mijita,” Mamá says discreetly with a poke in my ribs while we’re seated around the large table in the formal dining room. “You have let yourself get entirely too thin.”

I pick up my fork and poke at a slice of roast goose while eyeing Malachi, who is to my left at the head of the table. He leans to his left to quietly say something to King Andrew, who nods with delighted approval. Queen Deirdre suppresses an enamored smile, and Philipp quirks his mouth smugly. Cordelia maintains her proper, placid expression while she strokes little William’s hair, who’s confined to a vintage high-chair just behind her seat.

It’s as clear as day what’s going on here.

He’s already told them, my mind hisses at me,and he’s about to tell my family for me, rather than letting me do it.

My inner monologue isn’t wrong, because Malachi picks up his wine glass and stands.

“If I may have everyone’s attention briefly,” he says, all charm and delight, such is the farce we’re both maintaining for this holiday family gathering.

Papá, who sits on the other side of Mamá, looks up at him intently. So do Joaquin, Lili, Graciela, Auggie, Colin, and Elle, who opted to hold baby Audrey in her lap rather than putting her in a high-chair. Audrey coos as she turns her attention away from the small scoop of apple and potato stuffing on Elle’s plate and toward Colin, reaching for his face. He looks away from Malachi, smiling at their little nine-month-old baby girl before clasping her tiny hand and kissing the back of it. The small gesture of affection causes Elle to turn toward him, smiling as he strokes the side of her neck and presses a kiss to her lips, and they aresoin love. They’re so happy. And that could’ve been Malachi and me right now if only I hadn’t done the unspeakable things to him that I can’t even remember.

I look away from them and stare at my uneaten food.

“Isla and I have a very exciting announcement,” Malachi goes on, and I don’t miss the fact that heneveruses my first name unless we have an audience. “The timing worked out extraordinarily well so that we could tell you all in person.” He looks at me with a fake version of the enamored gaze that Colin is still casting toward Elle and their daughter. “Late next summer, we’ll be welcoming our first child.”

There’s a collective gasp of delight from Mamá and Graciela, and a jovial chuckle from Papá as he stands to meet Malachi for a firm handshake. I look at my family, and while Mamá and Graciela chortle and reach to hug me, Joaquin purses his lips in obvious doubt, and Lili curls one side of her lip while she squints incredulously.

“Oh,mijita,” Mamá gushes, squeezing me close to her side. “Howwonderful! Oh, I am so excited. Why did you not tell me sooner?”

I glance at Malachi, whose eyebrow does a subtle arch of warning as he continues to shake with Papá and pat his back, and then I put on the best damn fake smile I can muster. “We wanted to surprise you all.”

“This issoexciting,” Mamá goes on, barely hearing me, and I can’t help wondering how Malachi plans to deal withall thiswhen he banishes me after the baby is born. Shetsksat me, poking my ribs again. “See, this is why you musteat,cariño.”

“Yes, my darling,” Malachi says, now standing behind my chair to hold my shoulders as he presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Please do try your best to eat.” He steps away to shake hands with his father and embrace his mother, and I return my attention back to the plethora of expressions on my loved ones’ faces.

“You’re suddenly having ababy?” Lili remarks, still incredulous as she lifts her wine glass and takes a sip. “Okay, then.”

“We sure are,” I say as neutrally as possible.

I hazard a glance at Joaquin, who’s typically irreverent and devil-may-care about literally everything, but is now repeatedly clenching and unclenching his strong jaw. He looks at me for a second before leaning toward Colin, says something to him, and then starts stabbing the goose meat on his plate.

“Hey, yeah,” Joaquin pipes up, lifting the speared goose in the air, gesturing at Malachi. “Felicidades, malo… I mean,Mal. Good to see you’re taking such good care of my sister.”

“Silencio, muchacho,” Papá grumbles, then clears his throat. “We are all very thrilled to hear the news.” He pauses behind me to kiss my head and then returns to his seat. “Una muy feliz Navidad para todos.”

“Thank you, Ernesto,” Malachi says grandly, taking his seat again. “And thank you all again for being here to celebrate with us.”

The quiet, polite conversation around the table picks up again, and I attempt to appear normal as I place a small bite of goose in my mouth. I’m sure under normal circumstances it would be delicious, but it just tastes dry and bland to me, and I attempt to chew and swallow without gagging.

I gulp down some water and catch a glimpse of Elle piercing me with her seafoam green eyes.

A muscle in her delicate jaw flexes before she mouths the same words she offered on the day of the wedding.

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