Page 107 of If This is Love

“I made such a mess,” I suddenly blubbered. “I made such a big, old mess, and Gabe is over there suffering, and I don’t know what to do, y’all.”

“Ruth, what exactly is going on with him right now?” Connor’s deep, assertive, focused voice cut through the sound of my sniffles and sobs.

“I think he’s…” I sheepishly looked up at him. Connor was a tall, broad, imposing man who could easily be intimidating, and that didn’t exactly help while I was so caught up in my frantic self-loathing. “I mean, I’m pretty sure he just had an episode and I… I… I just…”

Connor and everyone were staring at me. His eyes were an icy shade of blue that intensified with his focus and made him seem like the scariest nice person I’d ever met.

“I just think this is all my fault, and I’m so sorry.”

I dropped my gaze amidst the thick silence of the room, but Liza was still firmly rubbing her hand across my back.

“Dial it back a little, babe,” she murmured to Connor. “Y’all probably just need to call Luke.”

“Ruth, honey,” Brennan spoke up in his easy, gently tone, “was Gunner with him when you left?”

I nodded, dabbing my eyes with a tissue that Skye passed to me. “Gabe was fighting with him, but yes, Gunner’s with him.”

“Okay. That’s good to know.” He reached across the ottoman to pick up my hand and smooched the back of it. “You just relax and unwind, and we’re going to go call Luke.” He stood up straight and smacked Connor’s back. “After you, Sarge.”

Connor was already pulling out his phone as they strode out of the living room and to the front door. Brennan pulled the door open for him, letting him march out first, and then followed.

After the front door clicked shut, I let out a long exhale. “I am so sorry for this ridiculous scene.” I dabbed my eyes and nose and then picked up my wine, taking a long sip. It was a sensual, heady flavor, tepid and smooth on my tongue, and it suddenly made sense why people loved wine so much. And I decided I was going to take up drinking red wine in the evenings just because I liked it. “This is mortifying foreveryone, and I’m so sorry.”

“Well…” Skye angled herself toward me, sitting on the edge of the couch. “What exactly happened? Because I don’t think anything is mortifying. You’re upset, and it sounds like he’s upset, so what happened?”

“Well, things have been a bit…off,” I said vaguely, even though I couldn’t exactly be vague when I got to the part about why everyone was so upset. “The past few days. Since Saturday. I caused a scene with Gabe on Saturday night, and that’s why I couldn’t go back out with y’all. And then this morning, he cancelled our run. I could tell he was upset or just tied up in knots about something, so I went over there a little bit ago. And we talked, and…”

The sensual images and sensations rushed into my mind, and my eyes fluttered shut.

My god, you’re everything. I want to give you everything. I love you.

Panic clamped around my heart, and I couldn’t make sense of why. I loved him, and he loved me, and we’d just made love, and it was all perfect until I ruined it.

But did I…?

“Ruth.”

I blinked my eyes open and was staring at Skye. She was sitting on the ottoman in front of me, holding my chin between her thumb and forefinger.

“I’m just going to be blunt, okay?” she asserted. “Because I think I know what’s really going on here, so I’m just going to ask: did y’all have sex?”

It felt like a thunderbolt struck the center of my heart; like God was working through this beautiful firecracker of a young woman to expose my sins and lead me to repentance.

“Yes,” I confessed blankly.

“Did you want to?”

“Yes.”

“Did you change your mind while it was happening?”

“No.”

“Did you regret it once it was over?”

“No.”

“Do you regret itnow?”

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