Page 109 of If This is Love

The front door flew open, smacking the wall behind it, and Luke was suddenly here. “Hey, Ru-uth…?” he sing-songed as he rocked on the balls of his feet in the entryway.

I couldn’t help laughing a little. I loved the way Luke was so…Luke-ishand always said my name like that because he was being impish about something.“Hey, Luke.”

“Um.” He coughed into his fist. “Can I talk to you privately?”

“Of course.” I stepped away from the living room as Liza and Skye sat back down on the couch.

Luke gestured for me to go ahead, and I slipped out the front door. Connor and Brennan weren’t out here, or if they were, I couldn’t see them anywhere.

He closed the door behind him and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. “Okay, so… I know this is none of my business, likeat all… and I would never normally—”

I waved my hand “It’s okay, Luke.”

“Right.” He huffed out an uncomfortable breath. “Okay, so basically I just need to know if he did anything to… like… y’know…hurtyou.”

“No,” I said immediately. “No, it was nothing like that at all.” I pressed my palms flat against my chest. “If anything,I…” I stopped myself before I fell into the same trap that Skye had just made me realize I’d been falling in. “I just mean nothing bad happened. Everything was fine and good until the bed broke.”

Mortification forced my eyes shut, and I shook my head, pausing so Luke could snicker if he wanted to. But he didn’t, and I continued.

“Basically, the bed fell apart and there was a sudden, really loud noise, and then he was just out of it. I don’t think he remembers what happened. I know when he has these episodes, he sometimes forgets where he is, and that’s all this is. He didn’t hurt me. It was the polar opposite of that.”

“Okay,” Luke responded simply. I looked up in time to see him force a quick smile at me. “That’s all I needed to know.”

“Is he okay?” I internally braced. “I kind of want to go talk to him.”

“I um…” He rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes darting. “I think right now, y’know liketonight, he probably needs to just cool off and calm down. He’s kind of in a state, but he’ll be okay, Ruth. I promise. Just give him a few days to get his head right. It’ll all be okay.”

I nodded and forced my face to be pleasant and understanding despite the ache of my heart screaming at me that this was my fault. I knewlogicallynow that it wasn’t. Just like so many other things, I couldn’t make myself believe it even though I knew it wasn’t my fault.

What just happened in Liza’s house and even right here on this doorstep was what Oprah used to call anaha moment.

Aha! I see exactly what my problem is. Now I just have to fix it.

I just had to somehow make myself believe something I didn’t. And I just had to give Gabe time to feel better.

But what if he never did?

What if he was so upset and mortified about what happened tonight that he just disappeared?

I didn’t want to believethat. And sadly, not believingthatwas as difficult as making myself believe I didn’t do anything wrong.

Lord, help me.

No, really. I had no idea what to do, so I had to just trust that Luke was right, and Gabe just needed some time to feel better.

I really, really hoped he was right.

28

GABE

WOODVILLE, TEXAS

Woodville. The name suited this tiny town. Fewer than a hundred people, but more trees than you could even count. Beautiful, healthy pines that stretched to absurd heights and had tufts of needles that, when alive gathered in a ceiling high above your head, only allowed tiny cracks of sunlight through, and when dead covered the ground in a thick, spongey, brown carpet. It was a sensory wonderland for Gunner, whose nose was in overdrive and whose yellow coat was full of the dried needles after he rolled in them for the umpteenth time.

The weather was damp and cool, typical for early spring in this part of Texas. The vastness of the ranch owned by a Marine I served with was quiet other than birds and the breeze whistling through the pines. He owned it, but he’d kept it open and available as a mental health getaway spot for our brothers-in-arms for the past ten years, which was why I was here. This little slice of heaven on earth was the perfect sort of escape for a guy like me. A hundred acres that had sprawling meadows and crawling streams in addition to thousands of trees and a small cabin in a secluded corner of the property.

When Gunner and I arrived here about two weeks ago, I slept in the cabin because it had a bedroom and that’s where you were supposed to sleep, and I was too tied up in knots to think about sleeping anywhere else. The second night, I fell asleep on the porch, shook awake from the cold at around midnight, and saw the clear night sky. The canopy of stars that hung just beyond the pine needle ceiling. It was too beautiful to not sleep under it. It seemed insulting to God and the universe for me to not appreciate such a beautiful, clear night sky as much as I could while I was here, however long that would be. So I started sleeping outside every night the weather allowed for it.

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