Page 115 of If This is Love

Connor and I sat in congenial silence for a few beats before a question impulsively spilled out of my mouth.

“Doesn’t that bother you at all?”

He cut a lazy side eye at me. “What? Not being able to tie a bowtie?” He chuckled. “Nah, man, I don’t really care.”

“No.” I nodded at the door Brennan left through. “Riley and Liza.”

His easy smile retreated into a look of sharp focus. “No. No, it doesn’t at all.”

I arched a brow at him. “Really? Some of that shitreallydoesn’t bother you? Even when they’re alone and hugging and shit? I understand why he is the way he is, but I don’t understand why that doesn’t rub you raw every time you see it.”

“Because I’m the guy who was done the world’s biggest favor by the both of them in this particular relationship.”

I squinted. “Huh?”

Connor paused, dropping his gaze to his glass for a second. “I just don’t deserve her.”

I squinted harder. “I guess I get that feeling about Liza, because let’s be honest, she’swayout of your league, but…”

He broke into chuckling and reached to clink his glass against mine. “That’s the damn truth.”

“It is the damn truth,” I underscored, waving my glass, “but what favor did Riley do that gives him that kinda pass with your wife?”

He shifted to sit deeper in his chair and stared at the space in front of his eyes. “Just because… I don’t know.” He saluted me with his glass again. “I mean, he really did talk her out of leaving multiple times when I was the world’s biggest asshole to her. So there’s that, but also… like…” He raised his glass to his mouth and just squinted at it for a second before he looked me dead in the eyes. “I know you’re not going to talk to anyone all neighborhood gossip style, but don’t judge me.”

“Psh,” I grunted. “Get over yourself and spit it out or forget I fucking asked.”

He lowered his voice. “I just feel like I really don’t deserve her.” He swept his eyes around the room and dropped his voice to a whisper. “I feel like I actually was right all those years, and I’m bad for her.” He flicked his gaze around again and then looked at me with an intensified stare. “And anytime I do anything shitty to her, this little voice reminds me that she shouldn’t be with me. She should be with him because he’d treat her way better than I am literally capable of.”

I suppressed a groan. “Jesus, Deneau, why the fuck are you even thinking stuff like that?”

He hitched his shoulders way up to his earlobes and flipped his palm upward. “I’m in fucking therapy, and it’s making me really fucking honest with myself.”

“Okay, but why is that making you treat your wife like you’re sharing her with your best friend?”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s not fucking likethatat all.” He half-turned and pointed at the door. “Allthatis is exactly what their friendship hasalwaysbeen like. You know, back when I was being an asshole to her, and he was talking her out of leaving.” He met my gaze again. “I already don’t deserve her. I would deserve her even less if I told her what to do with her personal friendships. Also, like…” He hitched a shoulder and then dramatically stretched his arms out before lacing his fingers together behind his head. “Liza lovesme. She choseme. She didn’t have to. She forgave me, and shereallydidn’t have to do that either. She puts up with all my shitty moods and bad behavior, and she doesn’t have to do any of it, but she does because she just loves me with this crazy-steadfast love that I don’t know what I did to deserve. And I’m just trying to not lose it.”

“Hmph.” I turned my head forward and swirled my whiskey. “I suppose I can relate to some of that.”

“Oh, I’d bet you can relate to a lot more than you think,” he said a bit mischievously.

I gave a salty chuckle. “Maybe if I go back in time to before Mia was a cheater.”

“Nah, she’s not part of this equation. I guess I meant it won’t be long before you can relate toa lotof it.”

I looked at him, squinting again. “The Army teach you to tiptoe around like that, Sarn’t Deneau?”

Connor cleared his throat and sat up straight. “No, sir.”

I turned forward, slumping in my chair and glowering at the space in front of my eyes while Luke strutted back into the room like a rooster, now dressed in a three-piece tux with atailcoat.

“Ow!I’m bringin’ sexy back!” he crowed, leaping onto the pedestal.

I quietly groaned into my whiskey.

These meddling-ass, nosy-ass motherfuckers had some kind of evil secret plan in the works. And it almost one-hundred-percent involved getting me to finally face Ruth after my three-week sabbatical.

I couldn’t really be mad at them. I just didn’t see it going so well given the fact that I literally kicked her out of my house immediately after we’d made love and then ghosted her for a month. It wasn’t that I doubted Ruth’s ability to forgive. It was more that the way I handled the whole situation was probably the worst thing I could have done to her. The more I thought about that, the more I just wanted to get as far away from her as I could again.

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