Page 26 of If This is Love

“Well, she does have a great figure,” Ruth said through her fizzling out laughter. “But that does sound like it could get uncomfortable. I really do appreciate the visit and the plate.”

“Of course! We take care of our own around here.”

“Yeah, that’s what he said.” There was a smile in Ruth’s voice, and she was eitherreallyfriendly or kind of into me. And the thought of that made mereallyneed to get home so I could deal with the hard-on I wasn’t going to be able to hold at bay for much longer in her presence. “I think I must’ve moved to the friendliest place in all of Louisiana right here in this little neighborhood.”

“I have to say I agree,” Liza said. “Do you want me to put the plate in the fridge?”

“Oh, that’s all right. I’ve mastered single-crutching it, and I’m probably about to dig into that anyway.”

“Then I’ll just go grab you a fork and a napkin.”

Liza marched out of the room, and I turned back around. Ruth was already looking at me when my eyes collided with hers.

“It does look pretty good,” I said. “Still would be a good idea to go get it looked at.”

“I’m planning to. First thing tomorrow morning.” She paused for an extended moment, bringing her hand to her heart and curling her fingers into a fist like she was trying to hold it in her palm. Like maybe she actually was feeling something as intense as I was. “It really is so nice to see you again, Gabe.” Her eyes flicked up and down my form, and a hint of a smile toyed at the corners of her mouth. “You look nice.

The way she said it was so genuine that it almost convinced me she was feeling something. The way her gaze did a quick roam over my body made it seem extremely likely. All of which would’ve been great if I were still a normal, functional, undamaged man; a man whohadn’talready given the best of myself and every goddamn thing I had to give and more to a woman who threw it all back in my face because it wasn’t enough. I was never enough for Mia, and she was no Ruth.

A woman like Ruth deserved more than I could have given her even back before I was damaged goods. She was a fuckingqueen. One who had already found her perfect king and lost him and still loved him more than Mia had ever loved me. And I wasn’t about to insult royalty by trying to step into that man’s shoes.

I already knew I’d never be enough to fill them.

I offered a single quick nod, wrapping myself up in my grouchy armor, not to protect myself, just to hide. “Thanks,” I clipped a bit gruffly and then whistled at Gunner and headed for the door. “Holler if you need anything.” I took in the sight of Ruth’s warm smile one last time before turning my head in the direction of the kitchen to call to Liza, “I’ll be out front.”

“Oh! Or, you know, you could totally stay here while I go back and…” Liza started to call back, but Gunner and I were already out the door.

I marched down the steps and several yards down the sidewalk, then stopped to pull out the pack of smokes, internally cursing myself for caving for the second day in a row. But the burn was spreading across my shoulders, and the agitation in my body was humming so loudly that I needed something, lest I snap at Liza for no reason during the walk back.

I scoffed as I lit up, took a drag, and then huffed out the smoke in a big, billowing cloud that basically announced my weakness to the whole street. Not that everyone around here didn’t already know how fucking weak I was, but never-fucking-mind.

Ruth clearly didn’t know that yet. If she did, she wouldn’t be giving off all these vibes of being into me. When she figured out how much of a mess I was, she’d stop smiling at me like that and start sharing pity-cookie duties with Liza. And then later, as she continued to settle in here in her new city, she’d probably meet a guy who was good enough to fill the shoes left behind by the man she was so devoted to that she called herself“still married”instead of“widow”. And, being her neighbor, I would have a front row seat for watching my dream woman fall in love and get a second chance at marriage and babies and all that wonderful stuff I lost my one shot at having.

Even though, in my mind at least, I’d already had all of that and more with her.

She didn’t know that either. And she never would.

RUTH

ALGIERS POINT, NEW ORLEANS

Just like always, I woke up before the sun and before the alarm. I reached to pick up my phone to remind my sleep-hazed mind what day it was.

Monday. I remembered that now. And there was a message that had come in not that long ago.

Gabe Martinelli

Morning, Ruth. I can take Jax out for you while you’re off your foot. Let me know when you’re up and I’ll come get him.

That was the last thing I expected to wake up to, and the heat of completely unbridledlustslammed my core so hard that my knees snapped together and forced me into a fetal position.

“Oh mylord,” I mumbled, dropping my phone on the mattress and rubbing my eyes. “Sis, what in thehay-ellis wrong with you?”

Pushing off the mattress, I sat on the edge of the bed and crossed my legs, squeezing my thighs together to make the feeling go away. The achy feeling between my thighs that I’d only felt with my husband, and that only made the magnetic pull between Gabe and me that much stronger. It was like my body and heart were under his spell and no longer under my control.

But never mind all that.

Jax did need to get a run, and I couldn’t take him, and Gabe had already offered.

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