Page 28 of If This is Love

“Ruth.”

I gave him my warmest smile and squeezed his hand. “Yeah. You okay? I dropped the coffee cup and made a big ol’ mess.”

“The coffee cup,” he echoed, staring at my eyes. He paused and blinked again, then looked down at Gunner, whose barking had retreated to rapid panting once Gabe had spoken. His eyes continued to drift until he was looking at the mess on the floor. “Oh.” He hastily pulled his hand out of mine and palmed Gunner’s head, giving it a quick, firm rub. “Yeah, let me get that for you.”

I almost stopped him to insist that he didn’t need to clean up after me, but it looked like he might’ve needed to just to stabilize himself.

I stayed next to the counter while he quickly and efficiently cleaned up the mess, and I poured a fresh cup of coffee for him.

“I’ll let you pick it up this time,” I said with a self-deprecating laugh. When he didn’t reach for it, I turned to see him standing stiffly on the edge of the kitchen and looking like he was ready to jump out of his skin and dart out of my house.

“Actually, um.” He coughed into his fist and reached to grab Jax’s leash off the table. “Rain check on the coffee. I think I’m feeling too jittery, so I should probably just run it off with these guys.”

“Oh.” My cheeks flamed again, and a gnawing pain needled my heart. It was an awful combination of embarrassment and guilt and empathy and all sorts ofawkward. “Sure, sure, of course. I can send a to-go cup with you when you drop him off if you’d like.”

“Yeah,” he said quickly, not looking at me while he backed all the way out of the kitchen. He patted his thigh, and Jax darted to him. After attaching the leash, Gabe stood up straight and cast a cursory glance in my direction. “Be back in about an hour.”

“Okay,” I called after him and the two dogs trotting along with him. “Have a good run.”

He was outside before I even finished my sentence.

* * *

With nothing todo at this early hour and no dog for the first time in about a week, I was downrightboredfor a stretch after Gabe left. But then my guilt set in. I’d never spent any time with troubled veterans, but my line of work gave me lots of experience with women who dealt with post-traumatic stress, and I was familiar with the mental and emotional gymnastics they had to do to come back after an episode.

He’d gone out of his way to do something nice for meagain, and I went and did something stupid like startling him into an episode because I was staring at his…you know what.

I felt awful. And when exactly one hour had passed, I moved to my front window to watch for Gabe and the dogs. When he appeared from around the corner that led to the trail entrance, I hobbled my way to the fresh pot of coffee, which I’d just brewed only ten minutes earlier, and poured some into a plastic travel tumbler. After triple-checking that the lid was secure, I single-crutched my way to the front porch and sat on the top step.

Gabe and the dogs approached the front steps, all of them huffing and puffing. He was sweating, and he haphazardly grabbed the hem of his t-shirt to wipe his face with it, and I got a glimpse of chiseled abs like I’d never seen in real life before.

Oh my lord, I am in so much trouble.

I glued my eyes to Jax and pretended I hadn’t seen anything at all. “Hey, y’all!” I waved. “Welcome back.”

Gabe released Jax’s leash just as he darted up the steps and obediently sat next to me, sniffing my cheeks and forcing a laugh out of me.

“You big love bug,” I cooed, rubbing his back. “I hope you were a good boy for our friends.”

“He was great,” Gabe said, and I braved a look at his face. He looked…lighter. Like the run really was good for clearing his mind. “Lots of energy, but he controls himself really well.”

“Aw. Good.” I rubbed Jax again. “I’m so glad. Also, I um…” I looked at his sweat-dampened face and then at the piping hot coffee. “I made you a to-go cup of coffee, but it might be too hot for…um…”

He reached to pick up the coffee without hesitation and immediately took a sip without so much as flinching at the scalding liquid. I watched him with my jaw hanging open.

“Doesn’t that hurt?”

“Nah.” He dabbed his lips with the back of his hand. “I like it hot.”

“Oh.”He likes it hot. I swallowed discreetly, then forced a cheery smile and tried to not make it too obvious that I had to squeeze my thighs together. “Well, you must have a really tough mouth.”

A really tough mouth, Ruth? Really?

He took another long swallow. “Yeah, but it’s gentle enough when I need it to be.”

“Oh.” Lord Jesus,help. I tittered uncomfortably behind my hand, making an absolute damn fool out of myself. But then an actual smile broke across his face, and it was so endearing that all my insecurities immediately fled my mind. “I can see that.”

Gabe tipped the cup back again, emptying the coffee into his throat, still so hot that it was steaming from the small opening in the lid, and then he handed it to me. “Thanks. That really hit the spot.”

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