Page 66 of If This is Love

I shrugged one shoulder as I chewed and swallowed. “I mean I’m going to give you a moment before I pester you by telling you why I’m really here.” I looked at him. He was already glowering at me. “I feel like you’re used to the other kind ofgiving you space,which is just a cop out for not wanting todeal with you,but this isn’t that. When I say I’mhere for you, I mean literallyhere. That doesn’t change just because you’re feeling grouchy.”

I turned back to my plate and continued to eat like this was just another Saturday lunch. Gunner moseyed into the kitchen with Jax sniffing at his heels as he followed. They stood next to the table, staring at the food and making faces like they were such good boys that they deserved a snack, too, and I couldn’t help laughing a little under my breath—even though this was probably one of the worst times to laugh.

“Look at you two.” I shook my head at them. “Y’all are justshameless.” I snickered again. “I ought to give y’all something just for shooting for the stars like this.”

Gabe’s sharp exhale pierced the air, and I looked at him. His elbows were on the table while he clutched his forehead. “Ruth.”

My hand darted to touch his forearm. “You okay? Are you having a headache or anything?”

“No,” he grumbled. “I just…” He rubbed his eyes firmly then blinked around the kitchen. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being an asshole just now, and I’m sorry for yesterday. I’m sorry for all of that because you’re just too… too…”

My brows lifted expectantly. “Too…?”

“I don’t know. I’m not good with words.” He rubbed his beard and stared at his plate. “I don’t know what it is about you, but you make me want to be as best behaved as I know how to be because it just seems insulting to not be that way around you. And I’ve insulted you a lot in the past twenty-four hours.”

“Oh mygoodness.” That pang of endearment rattled my chest again, and I had to laugh to not cry. “I think you’re better with words than you realize, because that was just about the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” I rubbed his forearm. “Nothing is insulting, Gabe. Everybody understands what happened, including me. Nobody asked me to come over here. I just wanted to come see you.” This was as good a segue as any, even though I couldn’t help feeling a little like I was being…clingy. “And I wanted to come see you because I was sad that you didn’t feel up to running with me this morning.”

He harrumphed quietly and shoveled a forkful into his mouth, his mood turning again on a dime. “Don’t know why you would be after yesterday.”

“Gabe.” I couldn’t help scoffing again. “If there was ever a morning when I wanted to go for a run with you, it’safter yesterday. Becauseyesterdayyou had a really difficult day, and I could barely sleep last night looking forward to that run so I could make sure you’re okay.”

He wouldn’t meet my eyes again and continued to silently eat. He didn’t respond for so long that I was at a loss for what else to say without a response. His movements were like he’d erected his wall again, stiff and sharp. And that was fine. All it took was a little silence to bring his wall down a moment ago, so I was just going to keep trying that until it stopped working.

Several beats of dense quiet passed, and Gunner whined quietly under the table, but the kitchen was otherwise quiet. I knew Gunner was whining because Gabe was starting to feel bad, so I just kept waiting, not wanting to push him. There was silent tension in the room, but it didn’t feel as severe as it had been yesterday. The only reason it got worse yesterday was because of the conversation none of us realized was bothering him, so the best solution right now seemed to be just keeping quiet and letting Gunner do his job.

A few more tense moments passed, and then Gabe blinked and shoved away from the table. He picked up his plate and strolled to the sink, rinsing the dish and then stowing it in the dishwasher. After that, he meandered out of the kitchen and into the laundry room. He reappeared a moment later carrying a basket full of clean clothes and disappeared into the hall beyond the living room, and Gunner stood up to jog after him.

I stayed in my seat, trying to understand what his behavior meant. He was suddenly acting like I wasn’t even here, and I didn’t know if it was a coping mechanism or a reaction or what. Maybe this was his version of defusing the situation. But whatever was going on here, it was obvious we were in uncharted territory and were just trying to figure out how to move through it without hurting each other.

Out of nowhere, The Supremes started belting outYou Can’t Hurry Lovefrom the speakers in the living room, and I nearly leaped out of my seat, I was so startled. I still wasn’t quite sure how to proceed, but cleaning up the dishes seemed to be a good thing to do while I figured it out.

I stood up and carried my dishes to the sink, rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher just like Gabe had done. I rolled the foil back over the casserole dish and put it in the fridge. Glancing around the kitchen, I noticed Jax was now missing, and that would make a good segue for going into the living room to see what Gabe was up to with Diana Ross and her ladies.

I peered out of the kitchen to see him standing in front of the couch, pairing and folding socks.

I approached him slowly and cautiously. “Gabe?”

He snapped his eyes up toward me, his whole body jolting like I’d startled him. “Ruth. Hi.”

I peered at his flitting gaze. “Hey, friend. You okay?”

His eyes shifted again. “You’re here.”

“Yes,” I said slowly, andoh no… It really seemed like he was suddenly completely disoriented and frantically putting pieces together to figure out how and why I was here, and my heart justhurtfor him. I didn’t know what to do, and I just didn’t want to make it worse, so I nodded at the speakers. “You like The Supremes, huh?”

That appeared to help him reorient a bit more, and he stared at a white t-shirt as he folded it. “Yep.” He dropped the shirt onto a couch cushion. “Motown. Real music.”

“Ohno…” I laughed under my breath. “I don’t know how you get away with saying something like that in the city of Satchmo, Gabe.”

He hitched a shoulder and picked up another shirt. “Satchmo’s all right, too.”

“I like him,” I said, crossing around behind him at about an arm’s length to avoid spooking him. It still felt like we were standing in the eye of a hurricane. I paused in front of the cherry wood cabinet that housed an antique turntable and vinyls. “Goodnight, friend, look at your collection! This is a treasure trove. How old are these?”

“Some of them are older than me.” He shook out a shirt and flipped it inside out. “Ophelia gives me first dibs on records when she gets them at her antique shop.”

“I’ve been wanting to go see her shop.” I slid out a Jackson 5 record and swapped out The Supremes after the song drew to a close. “Maybe we could go over there some time to check it out.”

I set down the needle, and the trilling piano intro toI Want You Backfilled the small house with an upbeat, lively, chipper warmth. Glancing up at Gabe, I saw him hyper-focused on the shirt he was folding, but he subtly started bobbing his head to the beat.

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