Page 81 of If This is Love

I smiled. “Thank you. You look really great, too.” I moved to sit on the couch to slip on my shoes, gesturing at him with one. “You clean up really, really nice, Gabe. You’re making me feel better about this dress.”

Gabe slowly meandered into the house and stood across the room from me. He didn’t quite look at me, but his eyes lingered on my legs for a second. “What part of that dress is making you feel bad?”

I laughed under my breath as I slipped the other shoe on and pushed my heel down inside it. “It just seems a little flashy, but I always wanted to wear a gold dress.”

“Well, you are wearing the hell outta that one.” He took a step closer to me. “And flashy isn’t the word I’d use for it.”

“Oh no?” I wrinkled my nose at him as I stood up. “What word would you use instead?”

He stood right in front of me, intimately close. His tie was a deep emerald green that made his eyes look like they were liquid silver—or maybe that was just the way he was looking at me.

“Maybe um…” A hint of a smile tugged his mouth for a second. “Just…beautiful.” His gaze was flitting all over my face, and he lifted his hands to draw his index fingers from the center of my forehead to my temples, down my cheeks, and under my chin, like he was drawing a heart around my face. “Yeah, beautiful.”

He paused long enough for me to smile and then dipped his face to press a sweet, lingering kiss on my lips. It was the first timehehad kissedme, and I ruined it by smiling even wider halfway through.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured, my voice suddenly a little lower and a little huskier, my lips still against his, and I slipped my hands under his jacket to encircle his waist, lest he take my mid-kiss smiling wrong and try to pull away. “I just think this is all really sweet.”

His hands swept down to hold the sides of my neck, his thumbs caressing the line of my jaw. “Sweet,” he echoed, tracing his mouth across mine and making me have to squeeze my thighs together. He kissed my bottom lip, gently pulling it between his teeth, the tip of his tongue timidly darting out to stroke across it, and I could have melted into a puddle right at his feet. “Sweet’s a really good word, too.”

The feel of his tongue had my head spinning with totallust, and I got totally lost in it. I pulled him closer to me, kissing him back and parting my lips for him. He didn’t hesitate to sweep his tongue through my mouth, and his hold on the nape of my neck intensified. I leaned into him, pressing my breasts against his chest and loving the feel of his strong, chiseled lower back muscles under my gripping fingertips. He tasted so good. He had a unique flavor that I could never place, but it was one hundred percent him.

I breathed in his flavor as he deepened the kiss, his fingers moving from my neck to my cheek, stroking with utmost care and so tenderly that it felt sacred. Just like he had a laugh that he never laughed around anyone but me, I was the only person he allowed past his prickly thorns and rugged, weathered-leather exterior and into his tender, soft, sweet center.

As though he sensed that our smooching was getting a little too hot and heavy, Gabe released my lips and kissed the corner of my mouth, then my forehead. “Pretty sure I’m supposed to save kissing like that for the end of the date.”

I straight-upgiggled. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I hugged him tightly and nestled my face under his chin and just above his collar and tie. “It’s okay with me if you do it then, too.”

No, it wasway morethan okay. After all, my gold dress was helping me remember that I was a grown woman who had every right to do whatever I wanted on this date.

My gold dress also reminded me that I wasn’t a virgin. It reminded me that everything I’d been taught about physical intimacy nearly my whole life was unhealthy. It reminded me that, just like the women I’d come to New Orleans to serve, nobody had the right to tell me why, where, when, and withwhomI chose to be intimate. It reminded me of what I’d be reminding all those women every day: that the only thing that mattered when it came to sex was ensuring your agency, your safety, and the consent of you and everyone involved, and the opinion of anyonenotinvolved didn’t matter. I reminded myself it was never the Lord saying all those hateful things to me back then, but the evil men abusing His name.

And so, if I felt comfortable enough toall of itat the end of this date, I was going to.

Gabe wrapped his arms all the way around me, holding me in place against him and then said quietly like he was telling me a secret, “I just want you to know that this is already the best date I’ve ever been on because it’s with you. You’re exactly the kind of lady I’ve always wanted to take on a date.”

That made me melt so fast and so hard that I was ready to skip to theend of the datestuff right then.

Before I could say anything, Gabe released me, clearing his throat and striding toward the door like nerves were propelling him away from me. He held out his hand. “Your car or my truck?”

I smiled and joined him, taking his hand and folding my fingers between his. “I’ll drive so you can celebrate with your brother properly.”

He lifted our hands and kissed the back of mine. “That’s very considerate of you, Ruth. I appreciate it.”

“It’s no trouble at all, sweet friend.” I released his hand to lock the door, and then I turned to him again so we could get going, but I just had to pause.

The sun was hanging low on the horizon, and the sky was a breathtaking gradient from fiery orange to bright pink to deep, dusky purple, and Gabe was standing there in front of it, looking at me like he’d known me for a thousand years and loved me the whole time.

It was one of those moments that convinced me God was real and loved me, because here I was, standing in a little slice of heaven, a moment so perfect I could’ve dreamed it. And the best part of all, it was a perfect moment when I thought all of my perfect moments were long gone in the past.

It was also one of those moments that made my hackles go up. When things are going just a littletooperfectly. When things are falling into place just a littletootidily. When the other stinking shoe is just about to drop right in the middle of all that perfection. Just like before.

My heart did a little flutter of anxiety, but I reached for his hand again anyway.

After all, I’d noticed for a while now that when I was feeling bad in any sort of way, just being with Gabe always made me feel a lot better.

* * *

“Look, Gabe!”I said with a gasp as we stepped into the large, fancy dining room of an old, southern mansion. My arm was wrapped around his, and I squeezed his bicep as I pulled him to one of the tables. “Your centerpieces look amazing!”

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