Page 89 of Trusting Tanner
Her ears burned hot, and her tears seemed to have stopped, for the moment.Save yourself the trouble. I don’t need your help. And I sure as hell don’t need a “friend” like you, either. You’re a horrible person and a shitty roommate.
She shut off her phone and tossed it across the room, letting her head fall back against the door with a thud. At least, she’d thought it was her head hitting the door, but the sound repeated. Someone was knocking.
“Jules. C’mon, open up.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Let me in. I can’t walk away and leave things like this. We need to talk.”
Her heart squeezed at the sound of Tanner’s voice. She wasn’t sure she could face him again, but not doing so would only prolong the inevitable, and if she were going to heal, she needed the clean break. Blowing out a shaky breath, she stood and opened the door. His eyes were bloodshot and damp, and that sight was like a knife in her gut. Tanner had been crying? Zach never once shed a tear or showed an ounce of emotion when she’d caught him cheating. In fact, he’d laughed about it. So seeing Tanner standing there, eyes filling with tears and pain etched across his face, wasn’t something she ever expected to see. Then again, she never thought he’d cheat on her, either.
“What do you want?” she asked.
“The same thing I’ve always wanted. You.” He took her face into his hands and covered her mouth with his. “I’m sorry, Jules. I’m so sorry.”
And those two simple words—I’m sorry—were more than she’d ever gotten from Zach, yet they were the most powerful thing Tanner could’ve said. She should’ve pushed him away, but his embrace was much too familiar, and instead, she tugged on his neck, pulling his mouth back to hers. God, she’d missed him. His tongue parted her lips, slipping past her defenses and tangling with hers. She moaned softly, wishing this was a normal Saturday spent with her boyfriend, but it wasn’t, and as his hands coursed down her back, her thoughts wandered down a dark path she wanted to avoid…
Had he kissed Rebecca like this last night?
Had he held her as tightly?
“Stop.” She pushed him away and crossed the room, putting as much distance between them as she could. Her hands shook, and she was suddenly dizzy. “Why?” It took all her courage to ask that question.
“Why what?”
She stared at him for a moment, praying this was an awful nightmare and she’d wake up any second to find Tanner in bed with her. “Why did you have sex with her?” The words were like sharp, bitter pills.
He crossed the room and cupped the side of her face. “I love you, Jules. You are everything I’ve ever wanted.”
She moved away from his touch and nervously shifted on her feet. “Then why did you do it?” She bit the inside of her cheek to stop from crying. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t shake the feeling he was about to destroy her. Flashes of déjà vu hit her hard. Her standing in a room with Zach. Her crying. Him laughing. The hurtful words. The complete lack of regard for her feelings.
“Juliana.” There was so much pain in his tone.
“Answer my question.” She swallowed the lump in her throat.
“I don’t know,” he whispered, shaking his head. “I don’t remember any of it.”
She cupped her hand over her mouth, turning her back on him. Tears burned her eyes.This is just a nightmare. You can wake up now.But she wasn’t waking up, and the pain in her chest was unbearable. Tears spilled down her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away.
“You don’t know,” she repeated in a daze.
“No.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I really have no idea what happened.”
Silence stretched between them. And the longer she stood there with him, the more her heart shattered.
He laced his hands atop his head. “I don’t remember much of last night.” He exhaled and dropped his hands from his head. “Shit. I swear this never would’ve happened if I was sober.”
“So being drunk makes it okay?” She was crying so hard she could barely get the words out. Disappointment settled heavy on her shoulders.
“No. Of course not. I just meant… It never should’ve happened.” He wiped her tears with his thumbs, his palms resting warmly on her face. “Please don’t cry.”
“All the stuff you said to me… Did you mean any of it? Telling me you loved me? That you wanted me and only me? That I was enough for you?” Her voice rose with each word, her tone bordering on hysterical. She yanked his hands away from her face. “Asking me to be your girlfriend, to meet your parents? Oh God.” She clutched her stomach and doubled over. The pain was too intense. She couldn’t breathe. Tears dripped from her eyes, silently splattering on the carpet.
“I meant every single word.” His voice sounded distant despite the fact he was standing right in front of her.
She’d trusted him. She believed him when he said they’d be together. He was the only person to ever make her feel like the world wasn’t a cold, lonely place. And now he was ripping that security, that hope away. She dropped to her knees and buried her face in her hands, giving herself over to the heartbreak, letting it consume her. Maybe she’d get lucky and the pain would kill her.
“Jules.” Tanner was on his knees in front of her, pulling her into his arms. His voice was thick with emotion, and she glanced up at him. She wasn’t sure if those were tears in his eyes or if she was just seeing her own. “I’m sorry.” He rocked her. “God, baby, I am so sorry.”
She wanted to push him away, to rage at him, but she couldn’t. All she could do was curl up in his lap and cry. She hated Rebecca. She hated Tanner for making her believe in him, for trusting again when she swore she never would. But most of all, she hated herself for loving him.
Tanner stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, which set off another round of body-wracking sobs.
