Page 93 of Trusting Tanner
“Make excuses for me. I hurt you. I broke your heart. You should hate me.”
“No.” She balled her hands into fists at her sides and shook her head. “You don’t get to tell me how I should or shouldn’t feel about you.”
“I’m sorry.” He hung his head and frowned.
“Me, too.” Utter defeat filled her. She left the house, needing to get away from him before she broke down and did something stupid—like try to kiss him. Or decide to go hunt down Rebecca and bitch-slap her.
“I was headed back in there to get you,” Devon said.
“I had to get a few things off my chest.” Too bad speaking her mind didn’t make her feel any better.
“Sorry I flipped out.” He looked down at the ground, and she actually believed he was sorry.
“I know how you feel about what Tanner did, and I know you care about me, but don’t ever do anything like that again.”
“Fair enough.”
“So, got any plans for the rest of the day? I need a distraction.”
Devon’s eyes lit up. “You should know by now I’m the best distraction on this campus.” He put his arm around her shoulders and led her toward his car.
Chapter Thirty-Three
It had been a full week since Tanner had lost Juliana. Seven long days he’d been without her, each one dragging on, becoming harder than the last. How the hell was he supposed to survive this? There was a gaping hole in his chest, and no matter what he did, the pain wouldn’t go away. He hadn’t been sleeping much, either. Years ago he’d heard his mother say she could never sleep well when his father wasn’t in bed with her, and he’d never fully understood what that meant. Until now. He’d realized very quickly he couldn’t sleep worth a shit without Jules curled up next to him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. How could one person cause him so much joy and pain at the same time?
He wandered into the building for his next class. He needed to find a way to get Juliana to talk to him so he could try to smooth things out between them. Even though she’d made it clear they were over, he needed to do something to ease her pain. Heck, he needed to do something to easehispain. He turned to see her walking toward him. His heart hammered so hard he was afraid he’d break a rib. Closing the distance between them, he gently but firmly took hold of her elbow and guided her into the janitor’s closet. He closed the door and stood with his back against it.
“What the fuck?” She glared at him.
“You won’t talk to me any other way.”
“So you resort to kidnapping?”
The corner of his mouth twitched up into a smile he tried, and failed, to stop from fully forming. He loved this feisty, take-no-shit side of her. Letting his bag fall to the floor, he slipped his hand along the side of her neck and pulled her to him, barely stopping himself from kissing her. Their lips were so close, though, he could almost taste her.
“Tanner.” Her voice was pleading yet full of sadness.
“I miss you.” He sighed. “I’m dying without you.”
“Stop.” She shoved at his chest and took a step back, putting as much distance between them as she could in the small closet.
He dragged a hand through his hair and licked his lips. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to feel her in his arms. He took a deep breath, then blew it out slowly.
“You can’t do this.” Her voice trembled, and she once again crossed her arms over her chest as if it would somehow protect her. “I know that look, and it’s not fair.”
“I know.” He wanted to apologize, but he couldn’t. It would be like apologizing for falling in love with her, and that was something he’d never do.
“Can I go now?”
She attempted to reach around him for the doorknob, but he blocked her. He couldn’t let her walk out. Not yet.
“Jules, please. I need—”
“You need? I don’t give a shit about what you need!” Her eyes blazed with anger.
He flinched.
“Do you think this is easy for me? I can’t even use my own damn furniture anymore because it reminds me too much of you. Every single time I have to sit in a class with you, all I can think about is what we had. And then all I can think is how it meant so little to you, how you could so easily throw it away for a single night withher.”
