Page 78 of Chasing Xander
Regret? Why would she ever regret being with him? “So, that’s it, then? There’s no chance for us?” She bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling and stared up at him, waiting for him to say the one word she didn’t want to hear.
Chapter Twenty-Five
No chance? Ramming a knife through his heart and twisting it would’ve hurt less than hearing that come out of her mouth.
“I’m not a virgin by choice, you know.” She went to the couch and sat. “I spent most of my childhood dealing with my drunk father, and then Nammy Joyce started to get sick, so all through high school, I was taking care of her. I never really had a serious boyfriend or the chance to have sex.” She dropped her face into her hands and shook her head. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to, or that I’m not ready.”
Shit. Xander’s eyes widened.
“I mean, Nammy Joyce tried to make sure I was able to do all the things other kids my age did. School trips. Sleepovers. Parties. Dating. Prom. But I always felt guilty being away for too long, so I never got involved with anyone beyond casual dates. There was never anyone important enough to me for anything more. Not until you.”
He ran his hand through his damp hair and looked down, realizing he was still in a towel. “Give me one second.” He went into the bathroom and slipped on a pair of jeans. “There, that’s better,” he said as he took a seat next to her on the couch.
“I preferred the towel.” She nudged him.
“Sorry.”
“You could always go put it back on.”
He laughed. “I have a feeling me sitting here in a towel would be distracting for both of us.”
“You’re probably right.” She sighed. “The thing is, I’m not as innocent as you might think. Just because I haven’t had sex doesn’t mean I haven’t done other things.” She twisted her hands in her lap and averted her gaze. A blush bloomed across her face.
His heart thrashed in his chest, and he shifted on the couch so he was facing her. This is exactly the conversation they needed to have, but now that she was talking, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to hear what she had to say. “Like…?”
“Making out.” She shrugged. “Hand jobs. Blow jobs.”
What the fuck? The thought of her on her knees, some guy’s dick in her mouth, had his temple throbbing with jealous anger. He took a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. But he couldn’t say a damn thing considering his track record with women and sex. “Have you ever been touched?”
“No,” she whispered. “At least, not without some sort of clothing on. God, I cannot believe we’re talking about this.” She stood and crossed the room, her discomfort evident.
“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.” He wasn’t sure he could handle hearing anymore.
“I know.” She sighed. “It’s not exactly easy to admit the farthest I’ve gone is dry humping in the front seat of some guy’s Mustang.”
He leaned back on the couch and let out a long breath, unable to decide if he was happy she had some experience or not. Nope. He preferred thinking she was completely innocent, untouched, which was fucked up considering his history with virgins.
She stood next to the counter that held the coffee maker and gripped the edge. “I guess I just don’t understand why me being a virgin is so repulsive.”
“It’s not repulsive.” He approached her and pried her hands from the counter. “You wouldn’t give up your virginity to just anyone, would you?”
She scrunched her face. “No, of course not.”
“Well, it’s the same way for guys. Taking any girl’s virginity is a big deal. Taking yours?” His heart raced at the mere thought, and he blew out a breath. “God, Ky, I want that more than anything. But for the rest of your life, I will always be your first, and that first time can be great, or it can be awful. And that’s all on me. It’s not something I take lightly. I want it to be perfect for you.” His stomach clenched. It was time to tell her about Trisha. “There’s something you need to know.” He took her hand and led her back to the couch. “About that kiss earlier…I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened—”
She yanked her hand from his. “You arenotapologizing for kissing me. God, please tell me that’s not what you’re doing.”
“No. God no.” He shook his head adamantly. “That kiss was incredible. I’m apologizing forhowit happened. I have never forced anyone to touch me.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know what got into me. I’m sorry.”
He sat and rested his elbows on his parted legs, head down. She had no idea what he was about to tell her, but once it was out there, he wouldn’t be able to take it back. What if she thought he was a complete dickhead and decided she could do better?
She settled next to him and put her hand on his back and her chin on his shoulder. “I don’t regret that kiss, or how it happened. You have nothing to apologize for.”
He turned his head to look at her and was awestruck by the sincerity in her expression. Fear clawed at his chest, choking him. What if he came clean about his past and lost her as a result? Tentatively, he put his hand on her knee. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her and forget all about this conversation. But he couldn’t do that. He needed to be honest with her.
“My first week at college, freshman year, I met this girl. Trisha Scott. We had a few classes together, hit it right off. But she had a boyfriend. She was in a long-distance relationship with her high school sweetheart.” He huffed and shook his head. “I knew it wouldn’t last, so I decided to wait it out, and when they broke up, I’d be there to pick up the pieces.”
Kylie shifted away from him. “Is that what this is all about? You’re still hung up on this other girl?”
