Page 92 of Chasing Xander
“Do you?” She folded her arms on the table. “If you trust her, then why haven’t you taken things to the next level? Sounds to me like you’re still letting this one bad experience fuck with your head.”
Was he? He thought about it too much, constantly playing the what-if game with himself, wondering if he’d inadvertently push Kylie away. The thought of losing her made his heart seize. “Trisha blamed me for ruining her first time. That’s what I’m afraid of. I need to know what to do so I don’t ruin sex for Kylie.” Xander shrugged, feeling like an ass for having to ask for this type of advice. It’s not like he didn’t know what he was doing in the bedroom.
“Well, for starters, you need to be sure you’re doing this for the right reasons.”
“Me?” He pointed to himself.
She nodded. “Yes, you. Do you want to have sex with her because you like her and want to have a relationship with her? Or is she just another girl to add to your tally?”
He flinched, hurt and slightly offended by her implied accusations. But what pissed him off even more was that it was a justified inquiry. He was known for sleeping around and not committing. He shouldn’t be too surprised his intentions were being questioned.
“I don’t mean to sound like a bitch.” Jules took a deep breath. “But you can’t take her virginity and then dump her.”
“I won’t,” he said quickly. “I mean…” He sighed. “She’s the one. I know it.”
Jules let out a squeal of excitement and bounced in her seat. “Oh my gosh, Xander!”
He rolled his eyes. “All right, let’s not make a big deal out of this, okay?”
“This is a huge deal.” Jules reached across the table and put her hand on top of his. “I’m really happy for you. Kylie seems very sweet. But I’m not sure why you think I can help you with this.”
“Because you’re a girl, and you’re a med student. I figured if anyone knew the ins and outs of something like this, it would be you. Plus, I trust you.”
“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” She laughed.
“Kylie’s my future, which is why I need to make sure I don’t mess this up.” He shifted so he was leaning forward. “I want her first time to be perfect.”
She gave his hand a squeeze and smiled. “The first thing is to make sure she’s ready.”
“Oh, she is.” There were absolutely no doubts in his mind. Kylie wanted to have sex. With him. And while he still had some lingering doubts she might regret it later, it was a chance he had to take. Because what if he was wrong? What if she didn’t regret it and they could have the future together that he so desperately wanted?
“Have you two done anything?”
“Yes.” He leaned back and glanced around again to make sure they were still alone. “We’ve been…exploring.” He grinned.
“That’s good, because you can’t rush this. That’s the most important thing. Take your time. No matter what you do, it will hurt for her the first few times. There’s no avoiding that. So go slow. Let her decide how much she can handle.”
He nodded.
“There’s going to be some blood, too. Don’t freak out about that, and don’t embarrass her. It’s simple biology.”
Yes, he remembered the bleeding. That was how he’d known Trisha was a virgin.
“You really care about her, don’t you?”
“When I really think about how much she means to me, I break out in a cold sweat and shake. Losing her isn’t an option.” He propped his elbows on the table. “I’m scared shitless, Jules.”
“I’ve seen the way she looks at you, and trust me when I say you’re overthinking this. That’s the thing with sex. It’s very physical, obviously, but for us girls, it’s all in here”—she put her hand to her heart—“and here.” She pointed to her head.
“Thanks, Jules.”
Chapter Thirty
Ethan Collins had dark hair and blue eyes, which initially took her by surprise considering all of his sons had dark eyes. He wore wire-rimmed glasses and had a couple days’ worth of stubble on his chin.
“My son tells me you need my help.”
“Yes, sir.” She swallowed hard.
