Page 84 of Playoff
The email from work pushed forward in my head. It was irritating, frustrating. And honestly, a lot of my job was like that. Maybe I could find a new job, somewhere my care for clients would be appreciated.
Scary thought. But I had Justin as a buffer. Since he owned the condo, I only paid utilities and food costs. I had savings. I could take some time, look around, find something more interesting. Maybe go back to school?
No, that wasn’t practical. What else was I going to study that would keep me self-sufficient? I had my book club to scratch the literature itch. But I would definitely consider changing jobs. After I was back in Toronto.
I opened my laptop to review Grandma’s will as a distraction. It would be a shock to my parents. She’d changed it after I moved to Toronto, since the previous one had been written before Mom and Dad lost their money. There was going to be a lot of confrontation ahead, but I’d told Grandma I could handle it. When I’d said that, I thought I’d have Justin supporting me.
It was my fault I was alone. I knew what it would do to Justin to find out about me and Alek, and I’d kept going back to him anyway.
Alek, who somehow coaxed out that part of me that I’d had to pack away. And we talked…shared things. There was a connection there. Something more than orgasms. I pushed away those thoughts and the heavy weight of dread to review, again, just what Grandma had wanted done for her service and with her possessions after she died. I would be busy after I landed. Thankfully.
Once we were on the ground, I grabbed my bag and Justin’s from the luggage carousel and went to the car rental. I had been able to set up a meeting with the director of the funeral home in PoCo before I left. I drove straight there.
“My deepest sympathies, Ms. Johnson.” He held my hand for a few extra moments. “Your grandmother was a wonderful woman, and her absence will be a loss to everyone who knew her.”
I was sure he said something similar to every client, but he managed to sound sincere and not overbearing.
“She left a very precise list of instructions, and you have her power of attorney so there shouldn’t be any difficulties. But let’s double-check to make sure this event goes exactly as she wished.” He led me to his office, where a hard copy of her file was on his desk.
We reviewed everything and discussed any potential problems. She’d prepaid, but the costs of things like catering had increased, so I covered those, collecting the receipt to apply against the estate. It seemed a little penny-pinching, but the proceeds were coming to Justin and me, so it was mostly keeping the records in order. Mom and Dad were likely to challenge her will.
I sighed internally. “Thank you for your assistance. I’ll be in touch if I have any questions.”
“Please do. This is a very difficult time.” It was like he knew my parents.
With everything set in motion, I drove to a hotel I’d booked. It wasn’t far from Grandma’s house, but I didn’t want to stay at the house on my own. I didn’t want to be surrounded in those memories, not just yet. I’d spend my remaining vacation time this summer going through things. I hoped Justin would help. If he was speaking to me.
Once I’d settled in the room, showering and hanging up the dress I’d brought for the service, it was time to figure out dinner. It wasn’t my usual time to eat, but I hadn’t touched anything on the plane. I picked up my phone, only to realize I’d left it on airplane mode. I hadn’t needed the GPS since this was where I’d grown up and I knew my way around. And if Justin hadn’t reached out…
I both wanted and dreaded hearing from Alek.
There were no messages from either of them, and my shoulders dropped. Shit. My parents had questions. I messaged that the service was the day after tomorrow, and I’d talk to them tomorrow at Grandma’s house.
Then I responded to the messages from my PAC members. Katie promised to fly out to help me if needed. Jayna and Callie asked if they should send flowers or make donations. I was sent all the virtual hugs I could handle and offers to talk anytime. As well as promises that JJ wasn’t too badly hurt?—
What the hell? What had happened? And why hadn’t he called me?
I googled his name then scrolled through the headlines, trying to understand the truth among all the speculation as to motive and who did what first. Justin had been placed on IR. He’d broken several bones in his right hand. And he’d done it punching Alek.
I dropped on the bed, almost letting the phone slide to the floor. I knew JJ was upset and he hadn’t talked to me, but to resort to violence at team practice? Justin never fought. He didn’t lose his temper unless he was really provoked. I could count on my hands the number of times that had happened.
I rubbed my face. This was bad. And it was on me.
He’d always been quiet and self-contained. But now he hid everything, even from me.
I’d moved to Toronto, at Grandma’s urging, to help him recover from the Sharleen disaster and provide him the support he’d been missing in New York. I thought I’d been doing the right thing. But maybe if he’d been on his own, he’d have been forced to reach out to other people. Maybe the support I’d been providing became a retreat, letting him avoid building a life for himself. Maybe I was making it worse for him.
I was no longer interested in going out to eat something. I’d order room service and huddle in the bed, mourning the loss of the person who’d cared for me the best, and the person I’d been growing to care for enough to risk everything else. And possibly, of having hurt my twin, my closest person, in more ways than I’d ever realized.
Chapter 35
Enough!
Jess
* * *
The next morning my phone dragged me into consciousness. I hadn’t been able to get to sleep till late for a second night. After Justin finding me with Alek, trying to work out logistics for everything, meeting with the funeral director and messaging with my friends, my control finally snapped and I’d cried. I wasn’t sure how many of my tears were for Grandma, and how many for the rest of the mess I was in. I’d been saying goodbye to her at every visit, but there was still a gap in my heart now that she was completely gone.
