Page 50 of The Deeper Game
Stupid me thinking I could walk away from an argument with my stubborn guys. Heavy footfalls shook the wooden slats of the porch behind me; heavy hands grabbed me and picked me up.
I tried to wriggle out of Zeus’s arms, but he had me. “Screw you, I’m not going back in the tub.”
“No choice,” Zeus said, climbing back down into the hot water. He settled me on his lap and held me there, arms like a vice.
Odin’s gaze was sharp. “We will have peace and happinessandwe will have vengeance. We take what we want, Isis. And we are not going to fade away in some retirement paradise, fishing like old men. You don’t want that life any more than we do. You of all people don’t want a life without thrills.”
“What about the thrills of making your own meaning? Remember what Matteo said at Guvvey’s? If you spend your life reacting to somebody, they control you as much as if you spend your life obeying them.”
“That’s not what he said,” Odin said. “You added something.”
“Giving ZOX pain is the opposite of obeying them,” Zeus said. “We’re doing the Prime next week.”
Odin swished his foot, brown toes forming a knobby fin, moving through the water. “You may not agree with that decision, but if you’re participating, we need you committed—one hundred percent there. Are you there or not? That’s the question on the table right now.”
“Of course I’m there, a hundred percent.”
“He’s right. We need you there fully,” Zeus said, keeping his massive arms around me, a prison and a cocoon. “It’s okay if you’re not. I’m sure we could find somebody to fill in if you’re feeling apprehensive. We can’t go in with you half into it, that’s the thing. This is the Prime. We could get Bentley to drive. One of the Gigi’s would drive if they knew we were hitting it.”
My belly nearly sunk through the floor of the tub. “You see me as interchangeable with Bentley or the Gigis?”
“Of course not,” Thor said quickly. “Never!”
“That’s what it sounded like!”
“You could never be replaced,” Thor said.
“Bentley and the Gigis are pros, that’s all,” Zeus said, warm in my ear. “So you wouldn’t have to feel bad if you didn’t want to—”
“I don’t need Bentley or one of the Gigis filling in for me!” I wriggled out of Zeus’s hold and he finally let me go. “I’m all in,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm, but it hurt that he’d even suggested it. “I just thinklive for vengeanceis a shitty long-term strategy, that’s all.”
Odin gave me a look I couldn’t read. In our normal life, my current attitude might merit some erotic punishment. The fact that it was off the table showed the seriousness of this conversation.
“I’m always in,” I added. “And other people don’t have half the allegiance to you guys that I do. I can’t believe you would suggest it—”
“He was just giving you an out,” Thor said.
“I don’t need an out. I’d tell you if I wasn’t into playing my role a hundred percent. I need you guys to trust I’d speak up on that.”
“We trust you, goddess,” Zeus said.
“Maybe not, if you think I’d endanger you by being half-ass on a heist. You guys look out for me, but this thing goes both ways. Let me look out for you.”
Odin came to me through the water and pressed a warm, wet hand to my cheek. “You were trying to talk us into quitting, goddess,” he whispered. “You know what that feels like? It feels likeyouwant to quit.”
Finally I understood.
I’d scared them.
“I never want to quit.” I put my hand over his, sandwiching it onto my cheek, wondering suddenly if Venus had tried to get them to quit. I know she’d messed up a robbery shortly before her suicide. “I don’t want to quit, I swear. I love our life,” I said, remembering the day I got the cloud and lightning tattoo to match theirs. How it made us a family. Us as the four bolts coming out of the cloud. How proud I felt.
Odin trailed his hand down my slick shoulder. “Our commitment to each other is how we survive as a pack.”
“I know,” I said. It was how they knew they’d always go back for each other. How they knew they could count on each other. Odin didn’t use the wordpacklightly. They were like the human version of a werewolf pack from the books I loved, fighting to the death for each other. “Talking about the island, that isn’t me pulling away. It’s me thinking about Travis on that stretcher today and hating that it could be one of you someday. It’s me wanting to be with you forever, no matter what. I’m with you on everything. Always.”
“Goddess,” Zeus said, turning my head and kissing me.
Out the corner of my eye, I saw Odin float back to his spot in the tub. He seemed unconvinced.
