He pulled up the ottoman and sat at her feet, as he’d often done as a child.“I was hoping for the same thing, as a matter of fact.”
She gave him a look of something bordering on pity.“What happened with Miss Lancaster?”
He quickly explained how Daphne had overheard his conversation with Father and had learned of the real reason he had begun to court her. He could still remember so clearly the pain in her face, the devastation. She had cried. The sight haunted him.
“What did your father threaten to do if you refused?” Mother asked.
“Something I have come to find out he has not the authority to do,” James answered.
“James.” She lightly touched his hand, a hesitancy in the gesture that had never been there before.“I know you want to shield me from unpleasantness, the way you do everyone, but I would really like to know.”
He couldn’t immediately bring himself to burden her with the full extent of her husband’s villainy.“He threatened you and Ben.” He shifted uncomfortably at the idea of discussing this with her. She was too easily overwhelmed by difficulties. He offered what he hoped she interpreted as an apologetic look.
“If Miss Lancaster had asked you the details of a problem you weredealing with, no matter how difficult that problem might have been, wouldyou have toldher?”
James did not even have to ponder the question. He would have told her and without hesitation. Daphne would not only have remained collected during the conversation; she would have talked with him, helped him sort out the trouble.
“I watched you with her,” Mother said.“She changed you. And though I was extremely reluctant to accept what was so obvious, feeling as though doing so was somehow betraying you, she changed you for the better. Do you know that it has been years since I have heard you laugh?”
Truly? He did not remember being so unhappy.
“Seeing you the day the two of you played lawn bowls was like watching a completely different person. The tension you always carry meltedaway, your”—her voice broke—“youreyeswere smiling, James. I have notseen that since you were a tiny boy.”
He had felt it too. For once, his responsibilities hadn’t felt like burdens.He had truly enjoyed himself in a way he hadn’t in years.
“I wanted to hate her for taking away your control over your ownfuture, but the more I knew her, the more I found disliking her impossible.”
He placed his hand over Mother’s where it still rested on his arm and lightly squeezed her fingers. “Miss Lancaster is a remarkable person. I don’t believe anyone could possibly dislike her.”
“You would walk into a room,” Mother said, “and your eyes would search the whole of it until you found her. A look of relief would crossyour face, as though simply knowing she was nearby comforted you on the instant.ThatI could not explain away. Nor the fact that you turned to her so naturally when even the smallest difficulty arose or to make some witty observation or simply to talk to her. You are not one to open yourself up topeople in that way.”
Daphne had been an easy and natural confidante, something he hadn’t expected.
“Do you love her, James?” Such a direct question was unlike Mother.
“Ben asked me the same thing.”
“And what did you tell your brother?”
“Father’s edict may have instigated this courtship, but the more I knew her, the more time I spent with her, the less I thought about the beginnings of all this. The courtship became real in my mind.” It truly had. “I like her a great deal.”
“You like the puppy a great deal, son,” Mother said dryly. “Be honest with yourself, even if you cannot be fully honest with me.”
“I suppose that is hard when I know there is no hope,” James said. “I imposed upon her in a way I can never fully forgive myself. I am quite certain she never will. That is a difficult poison to swallow.”
“How awful it is that my objections stemmed from wishing you to be happy with someone you loved.” Mother’s smile was infinitely sad. “In the end, you fell in love with her anyway, and now you are more unhappy than before.”
You fell in love with her.He had, though he’d not before fully admitted it. He loved her, and she most likely hated him for what he’d done.
“Please do not fret over me,” James said. “I am making the best of my situation. And I have not forgotten the difficulty with tonight’s venison. I mean to suggest Cook make fish, as I know you like fish very much, and it should not be difficult to obtain.”
She reached up and touched his face. “You always were such a wonderful, thoughtful boy. Growing up has not changed that.”
His attempt at a change of topic had not worked. “I have not felt verywonderful or thoughtful of late. What gentleman could, knowing he had sopoorly treated a lady he cared so much for?”
She held her arms open to him. Like the little boy he’d once been, he accepted her embrace gladly and with such need. He felt lost and alone and, in that moment, needed his mother.
“I love you, my dear James. And I have never lost faith in you.”