Page 35 of Forget Me Not

She sighed, not in the dramatic way she had as her younger self but with weariness. Her mind and heart were heavy. Her body was ragged with want of sleep. Perhaps she should attempt her lessons another day. She hadn’t the energy for it just now.

Her mathematics book and papers made a neat stack, held together with a leather strap she’d procured for just that purpose. Her various books and papers had gone all over Farland Meadows with her and even on her various trips to visit cousins in the neighboring county. She enjoyed learning and not merely because it was a distraction.

There were very few pages left in this book. She hadn’t yet sorted a means of getting another. Father’s library had contained many texts on varying academic topics. Lucas had told her the Brier Hill book room boasted a significant collection. Would she be permitted to use them? He had said this house was as much hers as his, and that had turned out to be entirely untrue.

As she stood, her eyes, of their own volition, moved to the tall french doors leading out to the balcony. The area around Brier Hill was so beautiful, and this room, with all its windows and glass-framed doors, offered up that scenery in all its glory. It was little wonder Lucas had claimed this space as his own.

A bark echoed up from below. Lucas was playing fetch with Pooka. He’d done that twice a day since their arrival.

Pooka came running back to him, stick in his mouth. The little dog spun about. Lucas laughed. She wasn’t so despondent over current circumstances that she couldn’t acknowledge that her one-time friend and now husband was quite handsome, especially when he took her advice and didn’t powder his hair. And he was visibly happier when he was outside with his dog than he was inside with her. That would only be truer if he caught her out in this room.

She tucked her book and papers under her arm and lugged the chair back through the door to her bedchamber. The drawer in her bedside table had proven the perfect size for her book and papers, a small collection of lead pencils beside them. It was a private enough storage spot that no one was likely to accidentally stumble upon it. She knew her love of mathematics was an oddity in a lady, and she already suspected the staff of Brier Hill was not overly pleased with their new mistress.

She blew a stray hair away from her eyes with a puff of breath. Her hair hadn’t been done up that morning, her abigail having remained in Nottinghamshire. Julia hadn’t yet obtained another. Indeed, she was barefoot, wearing a very plain chemiseàla reine dress without so much as a waist sash to give it a shape that didn’t resemble a nightdress, and wore her hair in a loose braid hanging over one shoulder. She looked an utter vagabond and was rather enjoying it.

There were some benefits to having no one pay the slightest attention to her. She entertained no visitors, had a husband who preferred the company of the dog, and had a household staff who hadn’t the least interest in what their new mistress was doing. It almost made the loneliness worth it.

With Lucas occupied outside, now would be a good time to tiptoe over to the book room and search for another mathematics text she could study when she finished her current book. If she could find one and sneak it back to her bedchamber, she wouldn’t be without something to work on.

She slipped from her bedchamber, through the antechamber, and out into the corridor. She moved quickly, not wishing to be caught sneaking about in such a state of dishabille. There was nothing entirely scandalous in her appearance; it would simply be a little embarrassing should anyone beyond herself be privy to it.

The book room was only a few doors down. She reached it quickly without seeing another soul. It, like the other rooms in the house, boasted tall windows, offering ample light without the need for candles. The walls were filled with bookshelves as tall as the ceiling, high enough to require a rolling ladder to access those nearest the top.

How have you organized this, Lucas?She hadn’t the first idea where to look for the books she sought. If she didn’t find any on this perusal, she could look again when Lucas was next out of the house.

The first section of shelving contained books from philosophers, as well as histories of Greece and Rome. Those could be interesting to look through. Perhaps mathematics texts were up higher. She climbed onto the ladder. The rungs were cold against her toes. Up she went, pulling a book out here and there, trying to find what she was searching for.

A book on the geography of the Nordic nations caught her attention. She stood on the ladder, flipping through it, looking over the maps included, trying to imagine the places described therein. She had never before left western England; she hadn’t the first idea what such a faraway place might look like.

So distracted was she that she didn’t hear anyone approaching until Lucas’s voice sounded directly outside of the book room. She hadn’t so much as a moment to scramble from her perch and escape. She had only time enough to put the book she’d been reading back.

Lucas stepped inside in the very next instant. To her horror, Mr. Barrington came inside as well. There was no chance of hiding or escaping their notice. She tucked herself into as small a ball as she could manage while clinging to the ladder.

“Julia?”

Oh, why did he have to come inside now?

She tucked her head between her arms, desperate to disappear.

He came up directly beside the ladder, looking up at her. “We have a visitor.”

“I noticed,” she whispered.

“Do you mean to offer your greetings?”

She turned her head enough to send him a pleading look. “I don’t even have shoes on, Lucas. My hair is a mess. I’m hardly dressed for company.”

His mouth tipped at one corner. “It’s Kes. He doesn’t count as ‘company.’”

“Please don’t jest while I’m hanging here humiliated.”

“Kes, would you mind staring out a window a moment?” he tossed over his shoulder.

“I would like nothing better.” Mr. Barrington crossed to the window and turned his back to the spectacle she was making.

“If I climb down and run back to my bedchamber very quickly, will you both pretend you never saw me here?” She couldn’t entirely force her voice to be steady and sure.

He leaned against the bookshelves. “Do you have to go? Kes is a neighbor now, of sorts. It would be a fine thing for the two of you to become better acquainted.”

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