Page 22 of A Lady's Wager
“Why would you?”Look at my eyes. You want this as much as I do.
“Because like everyone else, I want you to be taken care of.” His hands enclosed hers and slowly extracted them from his waistcoat. “You can’t count on a man of the navy to support you. I may never return.”
“Do not say that.” Her eyes smarted. She caught his hands, tilting her head to try to get him to look her in the eye. “We have to believe, or we’ll go mad.” She’d fall to pieces if she didn’t hold on to the hope that he’d return safe and sound.
“I do not want you to waste away pining for an undependable future,” he said. “You must go to London and find a gentleman with a living who can give you security and a family. Why give up years of your life for someone who might leave you with nothing and no chance to move on?”
“Because it is you I want, Derrick.”
His lips twitched, nearly forming a smile. He finally met her gaze and her heart clenched at the loneliness in the depths of his blue eyes. “I cannot give you a home in Bristol.”
“I don’t want a home in Bristol,” she said, tears gathering behind her eyes. “I want a home with you.” She meant it. For the first time in seven years, she didn’t mind leaving the sanctuary of Kirkby Park. This place had helped her heal from the horrors of her parents’ deaths, but she was ready to venture out into the world if it meant he could be hers.
“That can’t be. We don’t know how long the war will last.” He retreated a step, pulling out of her reach. When she moved toward him again, he held up his hands, eyes clenched shut. “Please. I have a duty to my king and country.” His desperate tone turned her as rigid as the gorge’s cliffs. “I need to leave us behind.”
Her breath came out in shudders she fought to control. “Very well.”
“Farewell, Miss Bradford.” He retrieved his hat from the sofa, head down.
She wrung her hands in front of her. Anything to keep the pain from spilling out in tears. She tried to speak. Her throat stung, and for a moment the words could not get through. He was leaving. And had no intention of returning. “I wish you fair winds and following seas, Lieutenant Owens,” she finally said, voice raw.
He nodded, swallowing again, and made his way to the door. As he passed, he seized her hand and pressed a kiss to the tips ofher fingers. After one last look, his eyes wet, he opened the door before the footman had a chance. Then he was gone.
Corah drifted to the window to watch Mrs. Stewart’s coach roll away. A hot tear drizzled down her cheek. Her chin trembled. She clenched her jaw. She couldn’t cry. If she started, she wouldn’t have the strength to stop.
Large hands rested on her shoulders. That only made it more difficult to hold back the tears. She covered her mouth with a hand.
“I am sorry, my dear,” Grandfather said, voice gruff.
A sob slipped through her fingers. She spun around and buried her face in Grandfather’s shoulder. He held her without speaking as the emptiness drowned her.
Three weeks later
Derrick leaned against the frigate’s rail as a jolly boat glided away from HMSSwallow. He glanced at his friend, who watched with brow furrowed. A little dark-haired girl and her mother waved their arms from the boat. The girl suddenly stopped and pointed toward them.
“Papa! Papa, come back!”
Captain King gripped the rail, his knuckles going white.
The girl struggled, trying to break free of Mrs. King’s grasp. “No, I want Papa!”
“Listen to your mother,” the captain murmured. Then he lifted his hand and shouted. “Farewell, Birdie!”
The child wailed, her sad sound fading into the clamor of the ships and dockyards around them. A steady stream of boats bobbed on the Thames moving toward the docks as shipsreadied to sail with the tide, and the captain’s wife and child were soon lost from sight. Captain King turned, rubbing his brow. “It only gets harder, Owens.”
That did not bode well for Derrick. His farewell at Kirkby Park had torn his heart out, leaving him a dull and lifeless shell. He couldn’t imagine a more difficult parting.
“Just wait until you have a wife. It will not be so easy to leave.”
“I do not believe I want one,” Derrick said. It wasn’t the truth, simply the pain talking. He’d tried to convince himself this path would hurt the least. It hadn’t done the trick yet.
Captain King laughed. “There are more advantages than disadvantages, I assure you.” He folded his arms. “Owens, you’ve seemed out of sorts since boarding. Of course I do not wish to pry, but a distracted first lieutenant is never a good omen.”
Derrick shook his head and straightened. “There is nothing the matter with me.” He needed to sink these memories of Corah into the murky waters of the Thames. He adjusted his hat.
“Are you leaving someone behind this time?” his friend asked.
Her laugh still echoed in his ears. His arms felt her wrapped in his embrace. And when he closed his eyes, there was her smile, illuminating the shadows of his mind. “No, I am not.” He didn’t sound convincing, even to himself.
