Page 58 of The Best of Friends
“I don’t like to consider myself cowardly,” he said, “but, until now, I haven’t had the courage to say the things to you that I need to say in order to get the answers I wanted to the questions I have been hesitant to ask.”
She looked confused again. He was already doing a poor job of this.
“You’ve said that you and I are the best of friends.”
Her nod was minute and hesitant. He hoped that meant that she too felt the description was lacking.
“Is there any possibility, any hope that, perhaps, you might think of me, ofusas something other than friends? Something more?”
Daria’s expression was equal parts hope and nervousness, which was precisely what he was feeling. He chose to believe that was a very good sign.
He looked at Mater briefly. She gave every indication of being focused entirely on her book, but he felt certain she was fully aware of what was happening in the carriage. As she had rightly said, both the requirements of Society and the interference of their families made quiet, tender moments difficult. This was likely Toss’s best opportunity to say what needed to be said.
“I’ve lost my future, my income, my ability to choose much of what I will do in the coming years,” he said. “Laurence controls so much of my life. I still don’t know if I can change that. Even with all of these difficulties, I know I would be horribly disappointed in myself if I didn’t at least say . . . If I didn’t explain...” He wasn’t usually so inarticulate, but this was proving a difficult thing. Once he spoke his feelings out loud there would be no turning back. He was declaring his wish for her to be part of his future without knowing if he even had one.
“I found myself thinking of you often after the house party, and, since being in London, I doubt more than a few minutes have passed in which I wasn’t thinking of you or missing you or wondering when I might see you again.”
Splotches of color spread over Daria’s cheeks but not in a way that spoke of true discomfort or disapproval. She seemed pleased.
“I have nothing to offer, Daria, other than my heart.”
Rather than the tender look he might have expected, her brows scrunched, and her lips turned downward. “Do you truly think your heart is ‘nothing’? Because that, I can tell you, is not and never has been and never will be true.”
“It is a very good thing you think so, because some part of it has been yours almost from the moment I met you. And with each passing day, you claim more and more of it.”
Her lovely smile, a sight he would never tire of, made a reappearance. “I have worried about letting myself imagine anything other than friendship between us. I couldn’t imagine your feelings matched mine.”
How well he understood that. “I had hoped I was not the only one wishing for something more, but I never could be certain. And I didn’t want to lose what we did have, neither was I willing to impose upon you when I hadn’t seen any proof that you wanted anything other than friendship from me.”
“I was watching for proof of that from you,” she said. “I didn’t see any either.”
Toss could have sworn he heard Mater stifle a laugh of disbelief. The knots they’d tied themselves in were a bit ridiculous, he had to admit.
Toss took Daria’s hands in his. “I have begun efforts to reclaim the musical pursuits I had hoped to lay claim to. If I can manage it, I will have a future free of Laurence’s interference. If I can manage it, I will have something at last to offer you.”
She watched him, obvious expectation in her eyes, though he didn’t know what she waited in anticipation of.
In a combination of cough and muttered words, Mater said, “Tell her you love her.”
Obviously she was listening more than she was letting on.
“Be it known that I am not saying this because I have been instructed to do so.”
Daria laughed lightly.
He raised her hand to his lips and pressed a lingering kiss there. “I love you, Daria. And I don’t know how the coming months and years will play out, but I’m not willing to abandon hope.”
“Hope is sometimes a fragile thing,” she said. “But it is also resilient. Clinging to it isn’t always logical, but it is very often right.”
“These are the moments when I question how it is that anyone has ever dared to question your absolute brilliance.”
A shimmer entered her eyes, but her smile never slipped. “How could I have possiblynotfallen in love with you when you say things like that?”
“Does that mean you do love me?” He knew the answer, but his heart longed to hear the words.
“I do. I’ve loved you for weeks and weeks, I suspect.”
He kissed her hand once more. “We will find a means of claiming a future, Daria. I don’t know how. I don’t know when. But we will. I am determined to do so.”
