Page 79 of The Best of Friends
“What about you?” she asked her brother. “Don’t you deserve to build a life free of them?”
“I’ll manage to navigate the degree of connection I can’t entirely sever, given my ties to the estate. But your escape means more to me than mine ever would.”
Daria’s gaze returned to Toss, watching him with worry and hope. “Will you be able to escape your brother’s tyranny? For good, I mean. I know you’ve escaped it for now.”
He was glad to be able to give her a rare bit of good news. “Duke did a little research and discovered there is a fellowship at Cambridge I could apply for and would almost certainly receive. I could return to university and complete my education, which would allow me to begin forging a career for myself.”
“And you could reapply to the Royal Society of Musicians,” Daria said. “They couldn’t argue that you didn’t have the qualifications.”
He nodded. “And Laurence couldn’t force me to leave Cambridge again, since my tuition fees and my living expenses would be provided by the fellowship.”
Toss had hoped sharing his good news would lift her spirits, but the corners of her mouth tugged ever so slightly downward.
“I wouldn’t be homeless or penniless,” he added.
“And you would be able to pursue your music?” she asked softly.
He nodded. “And as the fellowship would allow me to continue beyond the original course of study, if the Royal Society of Musicians still balks at my application or if they delay their decision overly long, I could pursue a higher degree, allowing me to publish compositions and establish myself before needing to have an income to live on.”
The room was quiet enough that he felt certain he actually heard her tense breath. She had been his most adamant and vocal supporter, her belief in him never wavering. Why did this heaven-sent chance to reclaim his music and the future they dreamed of not seem to please her?
After a moment, she said, “I think you should return, then, and accept the fellowship. You can’t ignore the opportunity.” She looked so miserable. He didn’t think she was being insincere.
“I think so too,” he said.
Daria’s lips pressed tightly, and she swallowed visibly. She rose, slipping her hand from his. “Pardon me a moment, please.” She moved quickly from the room.
“I don’t think you’ve thought this through, Toss,” Charlie said, his eyes moving from the doorway Daria had just slipped through to Toss.
“What do you mean?”
“Charlie’s situation gave the Huntresses a quick and detailed lesson in the rules of study at Cambridge,” Artemis answered. “Dons can’t be married, but neither can fellows. Returning to Cambridge for what you have just explained may be years of study means leaving her behind. You will be surrounded by friends in a place that feels in many ways like home while actively laying claim to your future. She will be alone, without a home, waiting for you.”
Chapter Thirty-one
Daria needed a moment tocollect herself. Toss was returning to Cambridge, reclaiming his musical dreams, regaining a future free of his brother’s tyranny. She was happy for him, and she would not for the world undermine that in any way. But her heart hurt acutely at the knowledge that he would be so far away and that their futuretogetherwas now years out of reach. Had she remained at his side in the drawing room, she likely would have fallen to pieces, and he needed her to encourage and cheer for him. She wouldn’t return until she felt confident she could be the source of support he needed.
Her feet took her to, of all places, the music room. She couldn’t imagine ever being in any music room without thinking of him, without missing him. Why could she not have absent-mindedly wandered elsewhere?
If she were truly wise, she certainly wouldn’t have further tortured herself by crossing to the pianoforte. She brushed her fingers over the keys too lightly to make a sound.
Toss deserved to have his music back, to claim the dream he’d fought for. He would never be truly happy without his music, and she loved him too much to want him to be anything less than truly happy. For the time being, she would stand in this room that reminded her of him and simply breathe through her tears.
But her isolated grieving lasted only a moment.
Toss himself passed by the doorway, then rushed back, stepping inside. “I wasn’t entirely certain where you’d gone.” He crossed swiftly to her, a look of concern on his face.
“I needed a moment is all,” she said. “I promise I don’t run out of rooms in a rush of emotions nearly as often as this Season makes it seem.” She had done so twice now, and the realization was more than a little embarrassing.
“And I don’t usually upset ladies enough to send them fleeing from a room.” He took each of her hands in his. “Daria, I didn’t realize—I hadn’t pieced together all the ramifications of my return to Cambridge. Yesterday evening, there didn’t seem to be any possible solution to my lost education and the consequences of that. I was so pleased to hear of anything that might address it that I didn’t entirely think it through. But”—he tucked their hands to his heart—“having found one possible though unsatisfactory approach gives me hope that we’ll stumble on something else, something that is good for us both.”
She shook her head. “This is an opportunity you cannot simply reject. Being granted a fellowship would allow you to have your independence and your music. Toss, I never see you happier or more at peace than you are when enveloped in the music you play and compose. I will not be the reason you lose that.”
“My happiness could never be complete without you,” he said.
“I would still see you though,” she said. “Fellows can’t marry, but they can travel, I would imagine.”
“The only restriction on travel is the time and the funds needed.”
