Page 51 of Snowdrops and Winterberry
“Time to trade hugs.” Lucas set his older two boys on their feet once more, then took his twins in his arms. “My sweetings.” He kissed their cheeks, just as he had the other boys.
“It is almost Christmas, Papa,” one of the twins said. “Grandmother likes Christmas. And Mama likes Christmas. And we like Christmas.”
Throughout the more vocal boy’s declaration, his twin silently and enthusiastically nodded.
“I am glad you’re excited,” Lucas said, “because so am I.”
Watching him with his sons turned Adam’s anxiousness to a sadness, though he wasn’t sure why. Their interaction didn’t elicit grief-filled reminders of his late father. Adam loved his father, and his father had loved him, but they hadn’t often exchanged hugs, and neither of them had used pet names. His feelings were something different.
Mother Julia managed to quickly kiss Lucas even with his arms full of children and two more clinging to his legs. “You were gone longer than expected. Did you have an errand beyond London?”
“I did.” The mischief in Lucas’s voice eased some of the heaviness in Adam’s heart. “I was fetching your Christmas present.” And quick as that, Adam was nervous again.
“Considering you left me here for nearly a fortnight with four boys who wanted nothing more than to have their nearest parent run with them for hours on end,”—there was too much of a laugh in her voice for the complaint to be a serious one—“this Christmas present you diverted course for had best be something truly magnificent.”
“My dear,” Lucas said, “this present is one I will reference foryears as a means of getting myself out of your black books.”
Mother Julia laughed. “I like when you inevitably land yourself in trouble; I get the most wonderful apology presents.”
“This one, sweetheart, isn’t an apology. It’s simply because I love you both.”
“Us both?”
Lucas looked back through the open carriage door. His arms full, he twitched his head in a clear instruction for Adam to disembark.
I am the Duke of Kielder, Adam reminded himself.I am not a coward.
He squared his shoulders and moved to the open carriage door. Mother Julia pulled in a sharp breath. Adam stepped out, frustrated with himself for being too nervous to look at her. If she was disappointed, seeing it would hurt too deeply for him to endure.
“Oh, my Adam.” She threw her arms around him and hugged him in the fierce and firm embrace he’d come to associate with his beloved substitute mother. “I have missed you.”
He, who never hugged anyone, returned the offering. And for the first time in ages, he breathed.
***
Christmas Eve
Adam only ever played games when he was with Lucas. And he was always surprised to discover he was not only good at them, but he also enjoyed taking part in them. He sometimes felt as though he were a different person when he was with Lucas and Mother Julia.
They had gathered the Christmas greenery that morning, before the boys had taken their midday naps, something Mother Julia said Philip, her oldest son, only pretended to participate in. The drawing room was festively decorated, and the family was enjoying a rousing game of huckle buckle beanstalk.
Adam was part of it all.
In fact, the item they were searching for was the carved horse Mr. Simpkin had given him during that long-ago Christmas at Brier Hill. Though he wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone beyond this family, Adam took it with him whenever he was away from Falstone. He felt less lonely with that reminder of such a happy time in his life.
Layton, the second oldest, approached Adam with a look of frustration. “Where did Papa hide the horse? I cannot find it.”
Did all four-year-olds pout like that?
“I don’t know where it is hidden,” Adam said. “I am looking for it as well.”
He wasn’t as comfortable with children as he wished he were. He’d done his best to follow Lucas’s lead with them, but Adam hadn’t the same boundless energy or penchant for playfulness. He also wasn’t one for hugs and sweet smiles and softness, like Mother Julia. Still, he thought the four little boys liked him, a miracle fit for the holy season.
Lucas snatched little Layton up. “Adam is not going to help you cheat.” He tickled the boy, sending him into a fit of giggles.
The two-year-olds were playing a game of their own, running nonstop around the room. Jason identified everything they passed. Corbin nodded his agreement.
Philip marched over to the sofa beside Adam and tossed himself dramatically onto the cushions. “If I don’t find the horse, Christmas will be ruined!” His eyes darted to Adam, clearly checking to see if his performance had the desired effect.
