Page 85 of Snapdragons
“Of course I don’t want to see you hurt, but it’s more than that. I want to see you claim your dream, to have everything you’ve fought for.”
“Even if those dreams are what keep us apart?”
“You asked yesterday if I believe in miracles. I meant it when I told you that I do. Somehow, this will work out for the best.Somehow, there will be a way around our current obstacles.”
He wanted to believe it as well, but life had not always been miraculous. Seldom had been, in fact.
“And if there isn’t?” he asked.
She used one of the benches between the gazebo columns to climb into her saddle once more. “If miracles choose to elude us, then I will cheer for you from Fairfield and from London when I am there. I will read of all you are accomplishing, and I will be so deeply happy for you.” Emotion cracked through her words. Though she was at a bit of a distance, he thought he saw a shimmer of tears.
She looked as though she meant to say more but thought better of it. She simply nudged Midnight into motion and rode away.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Penelope and the other ladiestook up a game of Quarante de Roi the next afternoon. It was the first she’d seen of anyone since her ride with Niles. She’d taken her meals on a tray and had undertaken her morning ride when she’d known he wouldn’t be undertaking his. Her mind had been too heavy for company. She had joined the ladies in the hope that their companionship would ease some of her heartache.
“It is a good thing the Gents scampered off like they did,” Julia said as she mulled over the cards in her hand. “Lucas enjoys playing with Philip, but the poor little boy desperately needed a nap.”
“He is a very attentive father,oui?” Nicolette said, eyeing her cards as well.
“Very,” Julia answered. “And I take such comfort in knowing that our boys will never have reason to doubt that their father loves them.”
“And,” Violet added, “they will never have reason to doubt that their father loves their motherdeeply.”
Julia grew very still. In a quiet voice, she said, “I think Lucas’s father is dying. His parents put on brave faces while he was home, but I saw those masks slip a few times after he left. I suspect they are trying to save him the pain of anticipating such a devastating loss. I know my Lucas; he would want to be told. But I don’t want to be the one to tell him, to see the pain it will cause.”
Penelope sat diagonal to Julia and was in a position to set her hand atop her friend’s in a show of support.
“I do not think the mournful event is imminent,” Julia continued, sounding a little steadier. “But I think it best that after our time here is concluded, we return to Nottinghamshire rather than traveling north to Brier Hill.” She looked to Penelope. “That is our home in Cumberland.”
Penelope nodded her understanding. “I hope I am not speaking out of turn, but I have seen a resoluteness in Lucas that makes me think, despite the grief he would feel at this news, he would not only hold up under the weight of it but would also be grateful to know what he is facing.”
Julia nodded, as did the other ladies.
“It is such a difficult thing,” Julia said, “to have to do something you know is the right thing but that brings pain to someone you love so dearly.”
Penelope set her cards down; no one was paying the game much heed as it was. “What’s to be done when doing that right thing is bringing both of you pain? What do you do when there’s no reassurance that enduring the pain now will lead to anything but further pain?”
All the ladies abandoned their hands as well.
“We wondered what might have happened,” Violet said. “When you did not join us for supper and Niles took to such utter silence all evening, we could only assume whatever occurred was significant.”
Penelope confessed to them the situation in which she found herself: in love, helpless, and hopeless. She told them about Fairfield and Niles’s parliamentary ambitions and all that came attached to that. He hadn’t indicated that he wished the ladies to know of his plans to fight the Bath Butcher, so she left out that bit, simply saying that he anticipated having money enough for his Essex estate very soon.
“So, either I relinquish Fairfield, Niles forsakes his plans for Parliament, or we both give up any hope we have of beingtogether.” Her next breath shook a little. “Can fate truly be so cruel as to offer us only those three options?”
“My Henri and I found ourselves similarly without any hope for a happy future together,” Nicolette said. “We were both willing to relinquish those things not related to love which were a crucial part of our happiness in the hope that our life together would soften some of the sting of losing what was otherwise crucial.”
Penelope shook her head. “I don’t wish for him to feel any sting, however softened. I don’t want the life we could have together to be built on a foundation of loss and regret.”
Nicolette leaned her arms on the table, holding Penelope’s gaze. “In the end,mon amie, another option presented itself. After we had determined what path we could be content with for our journey, however imperfect, however long it meant waiting for our ‘happy ending,’ as the saying goes, only then did fate see fit to offer us something else, something better.”
“You’re suggesting I move forward with my plans for Fairfield, and he move forward with his plans for Parliament, and we trust that somehow, someday there will be an answer.”
“I’m suggesting you don’t give up hope,” Nicolette said.
“Please don’t give up.” Violet squeezed her hand. “You and Niles are so remarkably good for each other. I’ve not ever seen him so alive, so entirely himself. And you smile more in his presence than at any other time. That you love each other is obvious. And that, Penelope, is worth fighting for.”
