Page 14 of Spring Forward
“What?”
Mom turned enough to face her more directly. “I watched you two the whole time you and Derek were together. I saw how he treated you, how he looked at you. And I realized how happy you were together. I wanted that.”
Her mother had never said that before. They’d never really discussed relationships.
“Grant treated me the same way. He was kind and thoughtful. He wasn’t selfish and controlling and...” Mom shrugged. “He was nice. So I gave him a shot.”
“Aren’t you afraid he’ll hurt you like all the others have?”
“A little. But not because he, personally, worries me.”
Madison knew exactly what she meant. “But because everyone else has.”
“I’m beginning to realize that my mistakes have made you afraid. You’re afraid of being abandoned because your father left, because every guy I’ve dated since then has walked out on me. You’re afraid of being hurt because you’ve seen my heart break so many times.”
She shook her head. “No, Mom, don’t blame—”
“It’s true. I can see that it is.”
Madison pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. Shewasafraid. The only emotion that had been stronger than her heartbreak when she’d left Folsom Lake two years earlier was fear. “I love him, Mom. I love him so much that it will kill me when he leaves. It’ll hurt so much that I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.”
“You would die a little inside.” Mom spoke from obvious experience. “But living without him—how is that working out?”
Madison took a deep breath, surprised by the emotion bubbling inside. “I’m fine. I have friends and things I like doing. And I don’t spend every minute worrying that someone’s going to break my heart.”
“So you’re not reallylivingwithout him. You’re surviving.”
Madison bent her neck and rested her head on her knees.
“You need to go talk to him, dear. Before you go, talk to him. Before you decide he’s going to walk out on you, find out how likely that actually is. You might just find out trusting him is worth the risk.”
***
Madison had seldom been so nervous in her life. She waited at Derek’s apartment door, trying to decide what she would say.
He opened the door. “Maddi.” Was that a good look of surprise, or a bad one?
“You were right,” she said. “You deserved to know why.”
He looked hesitant, unsure. “Why you left, you mean?”
Madison nodded. He motioned her inside, pulling the door open all the way. She stood in the middle of the living room, trying to gather up her courage. “You’ve redecorated.”
“A little. My parents gave me some furniture when they downsized.” He moved to stand in front of her.
She couldn’t put it off any longer. “I left because I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of you.” That hadn’t come out right. “Not you as a person.”
“Then what?”
The confession she’d come to make wasn’t proving easy. Opening herself up more only meant that he could hurt her that much more deeply.
Derek took her hands in his. “I don’t know for sure what you were afraid of—areafraid of. But I have some idea.”
She could feel heat rushing across her face. Making personal confessions was not her favorite thing.
