Page 120 of Of Pucking Course

“No need to feel embarrassed,” the clerk says nonchalantly. “Over the past twenty years working this job, I’ve heard all sorts of things. An annulment is on the tame end of what I deal with.”

“Oh.” I let out a breath. “That’s comforting. Thank you for telling me that. So, um, I think I need a copy of my marriage certificate to go ahead with all the legal proceedings, and I was wondering if you could help me locate it?”

“Of course. Last name?”

“Richards. First name is Dakota.”

“Richards…Richards…Richards,” the clerk says, presumably skimming through some database.

She’s quiet for several seconds.

“That’s strange,” she finally says. “I’m not seeing you in here. What is the name of your ex?”

“Jake Goreski.”

Another long stretch of silence.

“I’m not seeing that either.” She sighs. “Are you sure you—wait a second…” She trails off. “Ms. Richards, I’m going to put you on a brief hold.”

Elevator music starts to play as my anxiety spikes. What is going on? Why can’t she find our marriage certificate?

A minutelater, she picks back up. “Well, Miss Richards, I think I might have some good news for you. You’re not legally married.”

My jaw unhinges. “What?” I squeak out.

“When I ran a search for your names, I saw that you both were flagged for an invalid marriage license.”

“Invalid? But, how? We filled out our marriage license. So did the officiant. My ex-husband mailed it to the county office. I saw him drop it off in the mail.”

“That’s all true, but the reason it’s invalid is because it wasn’t filled out correctly. I suspect it was the officiant who screwed up since your information and your ex-husband’s information is correct, but everything else isn’t.”

She explains that the wrong sections of the license were filled out.

“And the handwriting is illegible,” she says. “It looks like chicken scratch. My goodness.”

My head spins remembering the day that Jake and I eloped. How drunk the officiant was. It makes sense why the license wasn’t filled out correctly. I didn’t even think about checking it over because Jake said he’d take care of it. But he obviously didn’t.

For several seconds, I don’t say anything. I’m too shocked.

“You should have received a letter from us here at the County of Denver, explaining all this,” the clerk says.

“I-I moved right after we split up, so I haven’t been getting the mail from that address,” I say as my brain struggles to process everything.

I’m not legally married. I never was. Which means Jake and I are officially over. I never, ever have to see him or talk to him again.

A weird relief washes over me.

“Thank you,” I finally say. “For explaining all this, for clarifying everything. I’m sorry to waste your time.”

She chuckles. “Oh, you didn’t waste my time, dear. This is my job. Hopefully, this is good news for you. You just saved yourself thousands of dollars in lawyer fees.”

I let out a laugh of sheer disbelief. “This is great news. Really, really great news. Thank you again.”

I hang up and stand in the middle of the kitchen. I laugh again and shake my head. I can’t believe it.

A few seconds later, the front door opens and Sam walks in. He drops his gear bag and looks at me.

“Hey. Everything okay?”

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