Page 4 of The Devil You Know
They fit together perfectly. Both men were six-foot-three, but Seth was dark blond with brown eyes, while Evan had chestnut hair and hazel eyes. Seth pressed a kiss to Evan’s temple. “I’m here. You’re safe.”
“I know.” Evan wriggled impossibly closer. “Talk to me.”
Seth chuckled. “What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me about ‘before.’ Jesse. Your family. You never say much, and I want to know.”
Evan’s request caught Seth unprepared. “Really?”
Evan nodded against Seth’s shoulder. “Please.”
Seth was quiet for a moment. Memories were never far from his mind, but talking made it all the more real.
“My folks weren’t perfect, and neither was our family, but most of the time, we got along,” Seth recalled in a quiet voice. “Jesse and I had our spats. Brothers do. But we were the only ones allowed to pick on each other. If anyone else tried, we closed ranks fast.”
He sighed. “We drove our parents crazy. We weren’t out to make trouble; we just had our own ideas about how to have fun. We raced dirt bikes. Made a kamikaze zip line in the forest that was a lot of fun until I broke my arm. Played hide-and-seek in a salvage yard and got chased by junkyard dogs. I’m amazed Mom wasn’t completely gray by the time she was forty,” he said with a chuckle.
“Sounds like more fun than I had.”
“Maybe that’s also why I don’t say much—I know it was different for you.” The quiet darkness had a confessional feel, making it easier to say difficult things. They lay beside each other, shoulders touching, both staring at the ceiling.
“We’re not talking about me. I want to hear more,” Evan said.
“Jesse was a big nerd. He loved comic books, superheroes, horror movies, and stories about space,” Seth recalled fondly. “He got me into those, and I dragged him with me to action flicks and paintball games and concerts.”
“When did you tell him that you were gay?”
Seth’s lips twitched in a sad smile. “He knew before I ever said anything. To tell you the truth, I think he knew I was gay before I realized it. Jesse saw my first relationship implode, even if he didn’t know that’s what it was, and he tried to talk me out of going into the Army to run away. Second biggest mistake I ever made.”
Seth knew that Evan didn’t need him to explain. The biggest mistake he’d ever made was agreeing to go camp out with Jesse at a “hell gate” tunnel to shoot a spoof video and have an excuse to hang out and drink beer. Something had knocked Seth out, and when he woke, Jesse was gone. He found Jesse’s body on the other side of the tunnel, bloody and savaged.
“Happy memories. Go on,” Evan prompted.
“Mom liked to bake, but she didn’t get much time to do it except at holidays. She’d join these crazy cookie exchanges where all the women in the neighborhood would make their best sweets, and then everyone got a variety. We had to freeze some because we couldn’t eat them fast enough,” Seth said.
“How about your dad?”
“My grandfather wasn’t around much when Dad was little, so he swore he’d do things differently. If we were in a science fair or a play or a BMX race, Dad was there. He and Mom were looking forward to visiting as many national parks as they could with the RV when they retired, but everything went wrong just a few months before they got the chance,” Seth told him.
“Back to Jesse,” Evan said. “What did he want to do?”
“He liked programming and engineering. Jesse was always taking things apart to see how they worked and building cool stuff from odd parts,” Seth said.
“I wish I could have met him. I know you miss him.”
“Every day.” Seth turned to Evan. “Your turn. It’s only fair.”
Evan let out a long breath. “I have two younger brothers. Jim, by two years, and Parker by four. Growing up, Parker and I were inseparable. Jim and I were close enough in age that I think he felt he had to compete with me. Mom and Dad fed that, but I never did.”
“I was the black sheep, so I think Jim and Parker felt they had to make up for me, but for different reasons,” Evan said. “Jim was embarrassed because I wasn’t into sports or hunting or chasing girls. Even before I was outed, there were rumors. Jim never wanted any ‘gay-by-association’ to rub off on him.” His tone turned sad and bitter.
“And Parker?” Seth nudged, not wanting his boyfriend to get stuck in a bad place.
“Parker was usually my accomplice. He tried to cover for me, did his best to convince people I wasn’t as gay as they thought.” Evan sighed. “He meant well, tried to protect me, but—”
Seth knew the key points of Evan’s story, even if his boyfriend hadn’t shared every detail. His first teenage “real” boyfriend had been guilted into making a public confession of their “sin” at a youth camp, outing Evan in the process. Evan overheard his parents’ plan to send him for conversion therapy or he’d be kicked out. He’d left before they had a chance. Evan got by on bartending and waiting tables, couch surfing during tough times.
“Have you heard from them?”
