Page 19 of Idée Fixe
“Please… just, just talk to me.”
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I grab onto the handle and pull the door open. His eyes meeting mine instantly. Jax stands in the doorway of my apartment looking fucking wrecked. One hand on the doorframe and the other in his pocket.
“So, no other gifts you want to send me? Or did you run out of ideas?” I snap at him.
“Can we talk?”
I sniff. Weighing up my options. I’m not the kind of woman that relishes in gifts being given to me when someone does something wrong. The look on his face shows me that he’s fucking desperate and honestly, it’s like looking at a sad fucking puppy.
“Fine,” I concede. Widening the door and watching as he ducks his head enough to walk in.
I forgot how tall he was.
“Drink?” I ask.
“Coffee?”
“Sure, take a seat.”
Why am I offering him a drink? What in the hell is wrong with me.
I turn back to face him; “No, y’know what?”
“What, Cairo?” I can see the smirk he’s trying to hide, and it infuriates me.
“Don’t smirk.” I poke his chest. “Seven years, Jax.” I hold up my hands, the correct amount of fingers splayed out. “That many… and not so much as a fucking hello!?”
“I had my reasons,” he counters.
“I had my reasons.” I mock him, bobbing my head from side to side. To which he instantly covers his mouth with his fist. “I said don’t fucking laugh, this isn’t funny.”
“No,” he nods. “You’re right it’s not but-”
“Also,” I point in his face, “you carved your initials in my fucking ass too!” I push him again. “There goes my fucking bikini choices now.”
Taking a step forward, he holds my chin with his thumb and forefinger. “You look so cute when you’re angry.”
I slap his hand away. “Asshole, don’t patronise me!” Stepping back. “Don’t act like this is ok. I don’t care about the events of the other night. I signed up for it. That was my choice.” I point to his chest again. “But you left me. When Sam died I was desperate to have you by my side and you left me.”
Silence passes between us and after a while with only the sounds of our breathing, I speak. “Why did you stay away?” I can’t control the crack in my voice. “And don’t lie to me.”
“We were arguing that night. He heard our conversation, Cairo. Me asking you on a date and he was pissed. I should’ve asked his permission first.” He pauses.
“I followed him outside; we were arguing for a while. He threw a few punches, and I took them. Nobody else was about except a few troop members.”
He runs his hands through his hair, I can see how this must be hard for him to talk about. It’s hard for me to listen. “And after things calmed down, and we spoke, he gave me permission to be with you. I told him everything that night, and a fucking stray bullet pierced his neck. Taking my best friend from me, your brother, and a son.”
Another pause, gathering himself with a deep breath. My unshed tears building higher above my lower lashes. “He died in my arms that night and after everything he’d done for me. I couldn’t face you.” Blinking, my tears cascade over my cheeks. Jax stepping forward, he takes hold of my face, pulling it up. “I thought staying away was what was best for you and by the time I realised I was a fucking idiot… You were gone, Cairo.” Wiping the tears from my face, the warmth of his chest against mine is a feeling I’ve missed.
Pulling me into his arms, I wrap mine around his waist. “It wasn’t your fault Jax. My brother knew what he was getting himself into when he enlisted time and time again.” I press my chin to his chest and look up at him. “You couldn’t have known that was going to happen.”
“I could’ve stopped it.”
“Don’t take that from him.” I press my face further into his chest. “He may have died but he was there serving his country. At least you sorted it between the both of you before he passed.”
“I shouldn’t have left you. I should’ve come home and faced you, told you just how much I loved you. I’m a fucking idiot.”
I huff out a laugh. “You’re a fucking asshole is what you are.” His gentle but gruff laugh vibrates against my face, and I realise just how much I’ve missed it.
