Page 102 of My Silver Lining

“No. I’m being honest with you. You’ve always been a happy guy, but you’re different with Lulu. I didn’t know you could be happier than you already were,” she chuckled. “But there’s a comfort there that surprised me. It’s like you two have known one another forever.”

“We just get along really well. And I told you that we started off faking it, so maybe we’re just really good actors.”

She turned to look at me. “Come on, Rafe. There is nothing fake going on there. And your reasons for putting on a show when you first met her are gone. Yet you’re still basically shacked up together. You freaked out when Sherry Carlton wanted to take a two-week vacation with you after you’d been dating for three months. Yet you are happily living with Lulu Sonnet. Clearly, there is something deeper there. We all see it.”

“Sherry Carlton wanted to move things along much quicker than I did. I never liked staying at her place because she had three cats, and you know I don’t do well with sneaky pussies.” I waggled my brows at her as her head tipped back in laughter. “And I’ve always been cautious having a woman stay at my place because if you don’t want to spend the night, you can’t just make up an excuse and go home. Because you’re already home.”

“Yet you live at Easton’s house with Lulu. Word on the street is, you aren’t staying in separate bedrooms. You spend all your free time together, and I see the way you look at her, Rafe. I see the way she looks at you, too. Stop trying to make it like it’s not a big deal. What are you so afraid of?”

Damn. Leave it to my sister to ask the big questions.

I blew out a breath. “Listen, Em, I’m not going to lie. I didn’t anticipate it turning into this. And once it did, I just rolled with it. She reminds me at least once a day that she’s leaving. We’ve got three weeks left, and she’ll be moving to Paris for at least six months, if not a year. I live here. We agreed that we’ll call this done when she leaves.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

“Honestly, I don’t think about it. We’ve always known there was an expiration date.”

“But you didn’t know you’d feel this way about her. Or am I misreading it? Is it not serious?” she pressed. She already knew the goddamn answer. I was basically living with her, all while knowing that she was not staying.

Who would agree to this deal?

Only a guy who was madly in love with a girl and wants to keep her as long as he can.

“It doesn’t really matter, does it? She has these big dreams, and I love that about her. She’s going to go launch her business in Paris, and my life is here. So analyzing our feelings won’t do anyone any good.”

“Well, you’re only talking to me. I’m not suggesting you have to dissect it with her or anyone else. But you could tell me what you’re feeling. I’m sure it’s hard to always be the guy that plays it cool. The guy who pretends nothing bothers him. The guy that will always be okay.” She squeezed my hand. “I tried to be that girl for a long time, Rafe. And after my life blew up, I wasn’t okay. And what I learned is that you don’t have to always be okay. If you feel the way that I think you do, it’s going to hurt like hell when she leaves. I just want you to know that you can talk to me.”

Fuck. Am I that easy to read now?

“I agreed to this deal. I knew what I was getting into, and I did it with both eyes open.”

“So you deserve to suffer alone in that? When you agreed to this deal, you didn’t know that your feelings would be what they are now. So it’s okay to be upset that she’s leaving. It’s okay to say that you want her to stay.”

“I’d never fucking say that,” I said, surprised at how harsh my words were.

Her eyes widened. “Why not?”

“Because she dated a dude who held her back for a long time. She was born into a family that has put a lot of pressure on her to present herself a certain way. But she has dreams and things she wants to accomplish, and those won’t happen here in Rosewood River. I’d rather be heartbroken and alone than hold her back. I’d never be the one to put her in a box. She deserves to spread her wings and fly.”

My sister’s eyes watered, and she squeezed my hands. “You’re in love with her.”

I didn’t answer. I didn’t need to. She already knew it.

“Listen, it’s your big weekend. We’ve got to get this parsley home before Mom has a panic attack, and I don’t want to dive any deeper into this. I don’t have blinders on, and there are nosurprises coming. She and I have been very open and honest with one another about our future, and I agreed to it. And I’ll respect it.”

“Have you told her that you love her?”

I pushed to my feet, irritation moving through me. I did not want to talk about this anymore. “No, Em. That would make things more complicated.”

“For who? Her or you?”

“Both of us. Some things don’t need to be said. Now let’s go celebrate your big day. Mom’s probably losing her mind waiting for the damn parsley,” I chuckled, desperately trying to distract myself from my thoughts.

Emerson wrapped her arms around me. “I love you, Rafe. You’re such a good man.”

“Love you, too, sis.” I smiled down at her, and we started walking home.

She dropped the subject, and I was grateful.

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