I came to a stop when I noticed an unusually freaky creature standing on my porch, staring at me.
What the actual fuck is with this town?
I’d already had to deal with that giant fucking moose with balls the size of King Kong’s walking around downtown like he was window-shopping; there’d also been a black bear on my back porch yesterday, and I swear the dude had winked at me before taking off for the trees. And now thisodd-as-fuck thing that I was fairly certain was some sort of white porcupine was in a standoff with me.
My phone vibrated in my hand, and I cautiously put it to my ear when I saw it was Montana.
“Will Hall is here at the inn with me, and he said he was supposed to meet you about some supplies you’d had him look into,” she said.
This was how it was every day. We’d speak for different reasons throughout the day about absolutely nothing most of the time.
“Listen to me carefully,” I whispered. “There’s a weird fucking rodent squaring his shoulders like he wants to take me out on my front porch.”
Laughter filled my ears. “What does this weird rodent look like?”
“Montana. I’m not fucking around,” I snarled as the animal moved closer, and I backed up until I was touching the door with my shoulders. “I think it wants to fight. It’s white and prickly, looks like some kind of porcupine. He’s looking me straight in the eye like a fucking mob boss. This dude is not backing down. Fuck.”
“Take it down a notch, Moneybags.” She chuckled. “That’s Porky. He’s my favorite.”
Of course he is.
“Well, fucking Porky looks like he wants to bite me in the shin.” I squared my shoulders and growled at him.
“You did not just growl. Myles. Stop. He’s super sweet. Bend down and get lower.”
“Fuck no. This thing will stab the shit out of me.”
“Just trust me.”
“My mother told me I should never trust a diamond dealer.”
“And my good senses have told me never to trust a man who destroys historical real estate, but here we are,” she said. “We’re friends, remember? I’d never let you get hurt. Just bend down, and then say his name. Watch what his quills do.”
“This is fucking madness. I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing here,” I griped before bending down and doing what she suggested.
“Are you down low?” she asked.
“Yep.”
“Say his name.”
Fuck me.
Fuck Blushing, Alaska.
Fuck my father, just for the sake of throwing him in there any chance I got.
“Porky,” I grunted, and I’ll be damned if the little dude’s quills didn’t go down instantly.
“Okay, he doesn’t look pissed anymore,” I whispered into the phone. “His quills are down.”
“Yes. He flattened them for you. He wants you to stroke his back. He’s super friendly and affectionate.”
“For fuck’s sake. First, I practically have to take a number to see you at your office because a well-endowed moose is standing on the sidewalk, and now I’m giving a porcupine a goddamn massage?”
“Welcome to Blushing, Moneybags. Give him a little love, and then get over here. I told Will to wait in the inn’s office because I have a wedding to throw in two hours. So you best put some pep in your step.”
“You sound a little amped up,” I teased as I ran my hand over Porky’s back and then pushed to stand.