Page 91 of You, Me, and Forever

“I’m sorry if I’ve made things hard for you.”

I turned in his arms to face him, one leg falling on each side of his thighs as I straddled him. “I wouldn’t do anything differently if I could go back. And yes, it’s going to hurt when you leave. But we’ll be okay,right? I think I read in a magazine once that it takes twice as long to get over someone as the time you spent with them. So, by my calculations, I won’t even be thinking about you in six months.”

“Six months?” he asked. “That’s half a fucking year.”

“I don’t know if it’s true. I mean, I don’t ever think about Phillip, and I dated him for years. So, by the same calculations, I should be in my late forties before I forget him, and that is definitely not happening.” I laughed.

“So what happens after I leave? You seriously don’t want to just see one another a few times a year? I don’t understand why we can’t keep in touch.”

I rolled my eyes. “Myles, that makes no sense. I don’t date for the sake of dating. And how can I have a meaningful relationship with another man if I keep a side fling going long distance with you? I’m not built that way. I can’t fly into New York to attend a fancy party with you and spend a weekend in your bed and come back and return to my normal life.”

“Why? That sounds like a fan-fucking-tastic weekend to me.”

A lump formed in my throat, but I forced a smile. I’d made a deal with myself that I would not fall apart in front of him. I’d save my tears for when I was alone after he left. “We want different things. I won’t move on and meet someone else if I’m talking to you. Because the truth is, no one compares to you, Myles St. James.”

“So let me get this straight. In order to be fair to your future loser boyfriend, you can’t talk to me because he would suck in comparison?”

“I mean, if you want to put it that way, you’re probably right,” I said. “But I’m hoping there’s someone out there that is as dazzling as you and also wants to be with me.”

His face startled at my words. “It’s not about me not wanting you, Montana. You know that, right?”

“I mean, at the end of the day, it kind of is.”

“I don’t live in Blushing, Alaska,” he said, his tone hard. “If I did, things would be different.”

But I didn’t believe that to be true, because he’d never suggested that I move to New York. Or that we try to figure something out. Itwas just known that it would end. That he’d given me more than he’d expected to give. More than he’d probably ever given another woman.

But he’d never considered asking me to come with him.

It wouldn’t be something I’d take lightly, as I had a business and a life in Blushing.

But I was in love with Myles, and if he asked me to move, I’d consider it.

I’d at least try to come up with a solution.

But all he was offering was a booty call once or twice a year.

And that would never be enough for me, even if it sounded tempting in the moment.

I wanted more.

“Myles, it’s okay that we’re different. You were honest from the start. You don’t want the same things that I do. You aren’t looking for a partner. You’re looking for a good time.” I shrugged. “And we’ve had a really good time.”

“You’re a lot more than just a good time.” His green gaze looked wounded.

I sighed. “So are you.”

“I don’t understand why we can’t continue to be friends at the very least,” he pressed.

Another lump formed in my throat so thick it made it difficult to swallow.

Just say it. Tell him the truth. What do you have to lose?

I looked up, placing one hand on each side of his face. My eyes were wet with emotion as I blinked a few times, trying to push the tears away.

“Because I love you, Myles St. James. I can’t be your friend, because it would never be enough for me. And it will hurt me too much to see you and not be with you. Because I love you.” My voice trembled as the words left my lips.

The look in his eyes caused the dam to break on my tears as they rolled down my cheeks. Because my words had clearly caused him pain.

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