Page 42 of Beg for It

I know it’s not true, the pills are doing their job. I just can’t shake the feeling.

The anxiety and depression meds the doctor at the hospital prescribed me seem to help a lot with the paranoia I’ve been dealing with for a while now.

Honestly, I’m not sure why I didn’t go on them before. But I’d have to have gone to a doctor for that, to reveal what I was and risk my father knowing.

The night I ended up in the hospital because of the overdose, I had no control over the doctor finding out what I was. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to care about the fact I was an omega. And why would he, I was a stranger to him. All he cared about was that I was okay.

Legally, he’s not allowed to ask why I’m on suppressants, even if it was the cause of my overdose.

It’s my right as an omega to take them as long as they're not affecting my health, and in regular doses they aren't. For now. He did mention if I kept taking them at this consistency, in a few years I would start risking long term issues like infertility among other things.

That itself doesn’t bother me, as I have no plans to have kids. Ever.

I thought that maybe if I met the right alphas, that mindset would change. But after finding out who I’m meant to be with, there’s no fucking way I’m starting a family with them. Poor kids would be traumatized.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and pop the pill into my mouth before capping the bottle and tossing it back onto the desk.

One pill a day. That's it. That's all the dosage is.

Makes me wonder what kind of damage I was doing to my body before when I was taking them multiple times a day.

It’s been hard. Really hard not to just pop one any time I feel like they might be wearing off.

The down side of these pills, they only block my smell, and suppress my heat. That's it. Everything else that comes with being an omega is present.

Every need to whimper, whine, and rub myself against my alphas has been coursing through my body since I’ve gotten back from the hospital.

While my brain is telling me to seek them out for their protection and comfort, it seems to forget the fact that they hate me and all they want is to cause my pain, not stop it.

Unfortunately biology isn’t so easy to outsmart.

With a heavy sigh, I take a glance at myself in the little mirror behind my door.

Staring back at me is the sad omega with pink hair I’ve always been.

“Not today.” I tell myself. “Today we do our job. We make some money and have one less thing to worry about. Tonight is going to be a good night.”

While I wasn’t completely convinced, I did have a new found spark of hope.

It didn’t do anything to help the aching pain in my chest that screams at me to go to my alphas.

“Get a hold of yourself, Cam. They’re your enemies. No matter what fate is telling you.”

I wonder if the pain will ever get any better. Whether over time I’d be able to move on with someone else?

Just the thought has me whimpering.

Shaking my head, I quickly grab my bag and head out, pulling the door closed before making sure the automatic lock catches.

The drive there was quick and before I know it, I’m pulling into the parking lot.

Shutting off the engine, I just sit in the car and stare at the building. It’s still early, and it’s not expected to be busy for another hour or so.

It helps going in while it’s pretty dead and getting into the swing of things before the rush.

I’ve caught on to the job pretty quick, and really enjoy it. So as I get out of the car, a smile finds my face. Tonight is going to be a good night.

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