Page 55 of Flynn

Damn it.

I groaned and scrubbed my hands over my face, hoping to clear my head enough so I could find something to say to help Ara and I find some kind of common ground moving forward. It was too late to end our ruse now, and if we did, Ellis won, and I couldn’tlet anything negatively affect Sofia on her wedding day.

An image of Ara on that hillside flashed in my mind again and I let out a long breath, unable to help the way my body reacted.

She was a good girl for everyone else, but for me, she went bad, and I fucking loved that. She was kryptonite, an addiction I knew I needed to kick but lacked willpower. Although, after our argument, I wasn’t sure I had any say in having her or not.

My sexual appetite tended to revert to caveman days and things people considered borderline taboo. What I’d done with Chiara so far had barely scratched the surface, but she’d taken to it all like she was always meant to. As if she was always meant to be mine, and this was just another way she fit with me.

I like domination, but not humiliation or degradation. There was something about watching a woman give herself over and trusting that I’d do right by her that sent me wild. Having that kind of trust from a woman was fucking intoxicating, and absolutely addictive. I needed to be the top dog. I needed to be in control, but I didn’t want it just handed to me. I wanted to earn it. I liked a little pain, I loved dirty talk, and I loved hearing my partner moan and scream and plead for me to stop because everything was too much. I loved pushing them to their limits and watching them break, but at the same time grow into something more.

And I justknewChiara would fill every one of those needs for me.

But still, I was no good for her.

There was something rotten in my core, something I’d inherited from my father, and I knew without having done it that my future would likely see me turn out the same angry, bitter man he’d been.

I’d die before putting Chiara or any woman through that.

The truth was, I often needed that aggressive outlet, and Chiara was too soft for all of it, any of it. I couldn’t imagine her beingokay with the number of bruises and cuts I sometimes came home with because I’d needed to feel my fist hitting someone’s face. I put on a good act. I knew I did. Working at Foxy’s was an acting gig. My character changed with every client, and I was paid well to play the part. I did my job really fucking well. I’d thought maybe I wouldn’t have to act quite so much here, being among family, but I found it was exactly the same. Trevor and Carol wanted to believe I’d changed, that I was a good man now with his head on straight, and to a certain point they were right. I wasn’t some punk kid willing to sell drugs or transport them for the high of going against authority. I wasn’t some little shit who broke the law just to feel the rush of it.

But Iwasangry—all the time. And I had to keep a tight leash on my anger, or I’d find myself right back where I started as a pissed off man, mad at the world. Chiara was only seeing the character I was playing. She had no idea of the real Flynn, and I didn’t want her to. The man she had feelings for didn’t exist.

Sighing, I felt suddenly drained.

“I know that look,” Carol said, suddenly beside me. I jerked at her sudden appearance and shuffled to the side when she leaned on the arm of the lounge at my side.

“What look?” I asked.

She eyed me knowingly and smiled. “You messed up.”

“You’ll have to be more specific. That’s kind of my thing.”

She slapped me up on the back of my head and I winced. “Ow!”

Carol scoffed. “That didn’t even hurt. And don’t pretend you’re some massive screw up. You have a good life, Flynn, and it’s entirely of your own making. There’s only one thing you’ve screwed up recently, and you know damn well what I’m talking about.”

I grimaced and rubbed my head before dropping my hand and sighing. “You know, don’t you?”

“I know a great many things,” she said vaguely.

“You know that Chiara and I—”

“I know you and Chiara are meant for each other,” she cut in. I frowned at her, momentarily wondering if she actuallydidn’tknow what was going on. She sighed. “No matter the circumstances, how you got back in touch, no matter what things did or did not happen, the one thing I do know is that you two are perfect together.”

“Carol—”

“No,” she snapped and turned more fully to look at me. “I know you, Flynn. I know my nephew—myson—and seeing you and Chiara together again is just like seeing you when you were a teenager. You’re tightly wound, angry, sarcastic, and you have this shield around yourself a mile high and just as thick. You don’t let that guard down for anyone… except her.”

I frowned. “I let you and Trevor in,” I protested.

She gave me a soft, sad smile. “You tried to let us in, Flynn. I saw your efforts and I didn’t push because it was the best you could do, and I was just happy to be included. But you never really let us close to you, not like you did with Chiara. For whatever reason, she could always reach you when none of us could, and we saw the peace she brought you then. It’s the same peace she brings you now.”

I continued to stare at her, not sure how to respond. Had I kept them at arm’s length all these years? I hadn’t meant to. I’d let them as close as I could. But was I still guarded?

“Did you know you don’t smile?” she asked.

I shook my head. “I smile all the time.”

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