Page 17 of On My Side
I gape at her like a fish. “I… he has brown floppy hair! He’s objectively attractive…andPiper’s piano teacher!”
Eva doesn’t say anything.
“Okay, fine. Maybe he’s alittleattractive, but we both know I’m not about to dive into dating. It just freaked me out, being recognized by someone I knew before.”
“And he’s sticking around, too, right? Teaching Piper’s piano lessons?”
“Yeah, he seems… good. To Piper, at least. And I don’t know, I’ve always thought Piper deserved more genuinelygoodpeople in her life, people who see her for who she is and like her for that.”
“And you don’t deserve that?”
I scowl at her. “Okay, isn’t our session over yet?
“I’m just saying, he might be a good person to try to begin a friendship with.”
I hate the idea. Thinking about Ren makes me think about the entire Quinn family, and thinking about the entire Quinn family makes me think about everything I used to want from life.
I always wanted to get married and have a big family. I wanted four or five kids, and a house with a big backyard and pets and chaos and a partner who kissed me whenever they came home from work. I wanted to fall asleep in someone’s arms, knowing they loved me, and the life we built together.
I went on a single date when Piper was a year old. A guy I met at a bar a few towns over and went home with. I don’t even remember his name, or if he told me. He was in college and a few years older than me, and the fact he wanted me was thrilling. Until I was topless in his dorm. I’ll never forget the expression on his face. Or the way he stammered as he handed me the bra he’d taken off me moments before. He remembered he had an assignment due in the morning, and I should probably get going. He didn’t look at me until I was completely covered, and even then wouldn’t meet my eyes. My breasts sagged from breastfeeding Piper and were adorned with stretch marks, darkened areolas, and large nipples. I’ve never forgotten the way his rejection felt and the struggles with my body that followed.
All I’d wanted was to be more than a mom. My life and body belonged to Piper, and I wanted to feel like I was still a woman, still complete on my own.
The opposite happened, and the damage it left is still poignant.
“It’s scary, isn’t it?” Eva agrees. “Relationships. Letting people see, know, and love us.” I nod in response. “Audrey, I think it’s time for some exposure therapy.”
“No, thanks,” I respond quickly.
“Nothing terrible, I want you to open yourself up to the possibility of friendship. That’s our new focus in therapy: making friends. We’ll start small, though. Your homework is to email Ren back.”
“I don’twantto email Ren back!” I whine. God, it’s concerning how much I sound like Piper.
“I know. You don’t have to be best friends. The first step is to stop avoiding him and be an active participant in Piper’s piano lessons.”
I want to stomp my foot and refuse.
But I want to make Piper happy even more.
“I hate you,” I grumble.
“I know,” Eva says with a smirk. “I’ll see you next week.”
Chapter 7
Ren
Playlist: Sideways | Carly Rae Jepsen
Quiblings Group Chat
Nic
JO OPENED A BUSINESS? WITH HER GIRLFRIEND OF LIKE A DAY????THAT’S THE GAYEST SHIT I’VE EVER HEARD.
Leo
[’ha, gay’ gif]
