Page 74 of On My Side
He’s rubbing my back in calming circles, kissing the top of my head, my temple. “Told me what?”
“I know I told you I have depression,” I try to say, but I think it comes out as a strangled stream of syllables.
“Oh.” I hear understanding in Ren’s voice, but he doesn’t get it. It’s not only my emotions, but it’s what my goddamned meds do to me. “What med are you on?”
I lift my head in confusion, my eyes meeting his. “Zoloft,” I say quietly. “Since Piper was eight weeks.”
“Oof,” he says simply, brushing a strand of hair from my eyes. “The side effects can be a bitch, huh?”
I feel like he’s lifted a ton of bricks off my body and inhale shakily. “Yeah. And I keep worrying about Piper. I know I’m overreacting but…”
“You said it’s her first party, right?” I want him to be annoyed. Make up an excuse as to why he has to leave and never hear from him again. Because him being this kind and understanding is making me soft, and I’ve worked hard for the past decade and a half to put on armor to protect myself. “It makes sense you’re nervous. Why don’t you text her and I’ll grab you water. Maybe a few pieces of candy?”
Tears continue to fall, but this time for a different reason. Hehasto be too good to be true. “Then what?” I ask. “Are you going to leave?”
“If you want me to.”
“Doyouwant to leave?” I ask.
He rests his chin on the top of my head. “No, Audrey,” he says quietly. “I really, really don’t want to leave.”
I shakily wrap my arms around him, inhaling his scent. He smells earthy, like herbs and peppermint tea and safety. “I really, really don’t want you to go, either,” I admit, ignoring the glaring chink in my armor.
He pulls back and cups my face in his hands, brushing away my tears with his thumbs. “Then I’m staying.”
He presses his lips to my forehead and my eyes flutter closed. Everything within me is telling me to toughen up. To not letmyself be taken care of by him because the only person I can rely on is myself.
But I’m tired, and he’s strong and kind and maybe he could let me rest and take care of me and Piper and…
He pulls away again and swings his legs over the side of the bed. “I’ll grab you some water. Why don’t you check in with Piper? I think it’ll make you feel better.”
“Then what?” I ask.
“Whatever we want,” he answers with a crooked smile. “I don’t care what we’re doing, Aud. I just want to be with you.”
Before I can reply, he’s gone, closing the bedroom door behind him.
I pick my phone up and breathe a sigh of relief when my screen has no notifications.
Audrey
hey birdie, having fun?
Piper
sooooo much fun!!!! do you know what a four loko is?
Audrey
not. funny.
Piper
you’re right it wasn’t funny
it was HILARIOUS
Audrey
