Page 30 of The Storm
Renata had dug into her anger and grief like the ancient singers had dug into the mountain. It was part of her, and he was only an amusement. He’d never be enough for her, because she’d tasted life with herreshon. Making love to him probably felt like a shadow of the connection they’d had, even if it was life changing for Max.
Yes, he was a fool. A fool for loving Renata for so long when she didn’t want to be loved. A fool for pursuing her across continents and up the side of a mountain. He should have believed her eighteen years ago and cut his losses. Maybe if he’d done that, he’d have found a mate who wanted him instead of a lover who tolerated him.
Maybe some griefs you simply didn’t recover from. Perhaps some lives were lost, even if the bodies stayed breathing. Renata had always felt so alive to him. Passionate and angry and joyous and fierce. But maybe he was only seeing what he needed to see and not what was actually there.
Max heard Renata’s footsteps on the stairs and knew from the speed and the hard stomp that she was angry. Furious.
He rose and turned toward the door a second before she flung it open.
“Fuck you!” she yelled, stepping onto the porch. “I’ve never once thought of Balien when we were making love. So fuck you, Maxim!”
His eyes went wide. “Get inside,” he yelled.
“No!”
“You’re going to freeze to death.” He flicked his cigarette into the snow and picked her up. “Are you insane?”
“Put me down,” she yelled. “I was born in these mountains, and I’m not going to freeze. I’m not some delicate lowland—”
“It is below freezing out here and there is more snow coming.” He rushed her into the house and kicked the kitchen door closed. Then he took her to the fire and grabbed a woolen throw from the back of the couch. “You’re insane.”
“And you’re an ass.”
“So you’ve told me many times.”
“You think you can throw all that on me and I’m just supposed to take it?”
He grabbed another blanket. “Shut up and get closer to the fire.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You’re naked.”
“I have a sheet on. Just like you did when you walked out on me upstairs. Just like you walked out on me in Vienna.”
He sat back on his heels, mouth gaping. “Walked out onyou?”
She muttered, “You were sitting out there brooding and thinking about ways to get down the mountain just now, weren’t you?”
“You told me in Vienna that I didn’t know what love was and I’d never compare to your lostreshon. Was I supposed to stick around after that?”
“You were supposed to find someone else!” Her eyes flashed. “You were supposed to find someone better, Max. I don’t want to rob you of the chance to—”
“What? Find myreshon? This shit again?”
“It’s not shit, and the fact that you think it is—”
“I don’twantsome mythical woman who might not even exist!” He rose and gripped his hair. “Don’t you understand that? What about us is so horrible?”
“That’s not—”
“We laugh together. We fight together. I adore your cooking and think the fact that you have the patience of a gnat is hilarious, even when it drives me crazy. I love that you like a snowstorm more than a beach and you consider dagger fighting a sport. I love that you are fiercely compassionate and protective of your sisters. I loveyou! I love everything about you, even the parts that make me insane.”
“You say that because you don’t know. You deserve—”
“I deserveyou.” He caged her on the sofa with his arms. “Because you’re the one I want. I don’t need anyone else. And I know you love me too.” He leaned in. “I know you do. That’s what makes me so damn crazy.”
She shoved him back and tore off the blankets he’d wrapped around her. “Of course I love you! That’s why I know this isn’t good enough, Max. I know I make you crazy. I know we drive each other up the wall. You want to live with that the rest of your life?”
