Page 79 of Grit
“I’m more worried about the fact that you feel like you have no friends except me and Cary,” Joan said. “Sweetie, that’s not healthy.”
“I’m friends with Emmie. Kind of.” She sniffed. “And Daisy.”
“When was the last time you had lunch with Daisy?”
“I don’t know. We’re both always working.”
Joan let out a hard breath. “You know, you moved back here after college with Calvin in tow. Your whole life revolved around him and Abby. After Dad died, both of you worked so damn much. Then Calvin was gone, and it was just you holding everything together.”
Melissa shrugged. “Mom, what else was I supposed to do? Leave a pump broken because I wanted to meet Daisy for lunch? Ranching doesn’t work that way.”
“I know.” Joan pursed her lips. “I think the hardest thing about working for yourself is you don’t have work friends. It was the same with your grandfather. When I was teaching, I made so many friends. I’m still close with most of the women I worked with, but you don’t have that, and I’m sorry.”
Melissa shrugged. “I have you. I have Abby.”And Cary.
“I think you’re more afraid of losing your friendship with Cary than you are of Abby losing him. Because she’s not going to lose him. That man is Gordon Nakamura’s son. Loyalty is as natural for him as breathing.”
“I know Cary is loyal.”
“Then you know that you need to leave Abby out of this. This is about you and Cary and your fear of things changing.”
Melissa sat with that advice for a long time. She took a deep breath. “Most of the big changes in my life haven’t been good, Mom.”
“Dad leaving.”
Melissa nodded.
“Grandpa dying.” Joan stroked her hair. “Then the baby. Then Calvin.”
“I know why Dad left,” Melissa said. “But why didn’t you ever get married again? Was it because of me and Ox?”
Joan pulled away. “Is that what you think?” She shook her head. “That I had to devote my entire life to you kids? That’s ridiculous logic. And you kids had nothing to do with me staying single.”
“Then what was it?”
“I never…” Joan’s smile was sad. “I never loved any man as much as I love your father. I still love him. And he loves me too. He’s never married anyone else.”
“So why did he leave?”
“He’s just not cut out for the settled life. He’s one of those men who has to drift, and frankly he does better with horses than with people. He tried his best to stay here. Heck, we even tried him living away part of the year.”
“I remember that. It didn’t work.”
Joan shook her head. “We fought all the time. It was better for him to go. I had your grandpa. I had Gordon and Rumi next door. Lots of friends and my job. If I met someone I loved more, I would have gotten married. I just didn’t.”
“And Dad picked being alone.”
Joan nodded. “Yeah. He did. There’s a little bit of that in your character too, Lissa. That desire to be independent. That fear of depending on others. I worry about you. Now more than ever.”
“I depended on Calvin,” she whispered. “And he left me.”
Joan sighed. “It wasn’t his choice, but yeah. He did.”
“I thought I’d gotten the happy ending, Mom. I thought if I did everything right, I’d be safe. But that’s not the way it works.”
“And now Cary is asking you to open up that door again and you’re afraid.”
She rubbed her temples, trying to combat the headache she could feel forming. “If you give your heart to someone, they can do whatever they want with it. They could crush it in their hands, not even realizing.”
