Page 78 of Night's Reckoning
She wasn’t capable of it. He wished it made him love her less, but it didn’t.
Ben brought his hand up and tucked her hair behind her ear before he ran the back of his fingers down the curve of her cheek. She blinked, but her grip didn’t loosen.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “Even when you’re like this, I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Her eyes narrowed, but she didn’t speak.
Ben leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. She froze, but Ben kept stroking her cheek when their lips parted. “I can’t do this anymore, Tenzin. I won’t do this anymore.”
“What are you talking about?” Her voice was scary quiet.
“I mean I’m not willing to spend my life being at your beck and call. I thought we could be something different, but at the end of the day, you’re always going to see me as your servant.” He brushed his thumb over the small of her back where her shirt had ridden up, enjoying the buzz of skin contact while he still could. “I can’t blame you for it. That’s just who you are. And you’re probably right. What you’ve seen in your life compared to what I’ve seen—”
“Benjamin—”
“This is not your fault. I’m not trying to lay blame. This isn’t anyone’s fault. Or maybe it’s mine.” He nodded. “It’s probably mine.”
“I do not consider you a servant.”
“Of course you do. You always have. I just had… delusions of grandeur maybe?” He let out a bitter laugh. “You haven’t changed. It’s been ten years, and you haven’t changed a bit.”
Her eyes went wide. “You’re wrong.”
“I don’t think I am,” he said quietly. “But I’m not a kid anymore. I need to do something with my life. I need togeta life that’s not yours. So I can’t dothisanymore.”
He released her and she floated away, her face frozen in shock.
“I’ll finish this job,” he said. “You don’t have to pay me. In fact, I don’twantyou to pay me. I don’t want you or Zhang to pay me. Just… pay Fabia. I’ll finish here, then I think I’m going back to Rome for a while. You can take your time getting your stuff from New York.”
Her voice was wooden. “You’re not going back to New York?”
He swallowed hard. New York was him and Tenzin. New York was their loft and their roof garden and bickering about weapons and training together and going out for noodles at midnight at the Tibetan place she loved. It was dancing when Louis Armstrong came on the radio and drinking whiskey at Gavin’s pub after a midnight movie.
Ben said, “I don’t think New York is for me anymore.”
“You’re not making sense,” she said. “And I’m going to forget you said this, because you’re going to regret it as soon as you walk away.”
The smile he forced out hurt his face. “I’m not the one who walked away.”
She had no response to that.
“‘Tell me to send them away.’” He repeated words he’d confessed on a rooftop in a drunken stupor. “You know I will. I always will.”
Tenzin took a step back, her eyes fixed on his face.
“‘Don’t do this.’” He said the words he’d begged on the ship before she’d run away again. Run away from everything they’d lived through and survived. “I even said please that time.”
All she could do was shake her head.
“Let’s have one more dance when this is done, okay?” Ben cleared his throat and shoved his hands in his pockets. “When we find the sword, when we finish the job, promise me one dance before you take off, okay?”
Because if there was one thing he knew, she would always take off.
She said, “You’re being foolish.”
He backed toward the door. “And you’re being patronizing. But I’m no longer surprised or offended by that.” He took a deep breath. “It’s okay. I’ll see you, Tiny.”
* * *
