Page 32 of Valley of the Shadow
“But you will be there,” Dez said. “You will be. Even if you can’t be right next to them. You’ll be thinking of them, praying for them, talking with them when you’re feeling like yourself again.”
Natalie tried to nod. “I-I know all that, but Sarah is so young, and she—”
“You will be there for them.” Dez shook her. “Don’t you see that? This is what you have to do to stay with them. This is a short sacrifice for a long reward. And they will understand that later if they don’t understand now.”
“B-Baojia didn’t want to tell them about the cancer. We haven’t told them because… we figured it would be bad to scare them when it wasn’t going to be an issue, so we’ve just been telling them that it’s time for Mom to become a vampire and that’s why we’re here, but are they going to think I did this just because? That I’m abandoning—”
“No.” Dez shook her again. “No, they’re not going to think you’re abandoning them. Natalie.” She laughed a little. “They’re going to talk to you every night. You’ll have phone calls. Maybe even video chatting if the signal booster thing Matt is trying out works.”
Dez pointed at the house. “Know what Beatrice is doing right now? She’s inside with Giovanni, waiting to talk to Ben in Mongolia for Christmas. Mongolia! Natalie, your kids are right here, surrounded by wonderful, safe, caring people. They are going to be fine.”
She took deep breaths, trying to calm the ache in her heart. “Okay.” She nodded. “Okay.” Leaning her head on Dez, she said, “Sorry for the freak-out.”
“Are you kidding? You’ve been the one calming everyone else down about all this for a month now. I know you’ve been putting on a brave face to convince Baojia and Lucien you’re just fine with all this, but you don’t have to pretend with your friends. You want to be scared? Be scared. You want to freak out that you’re gonna have fangs? Freak out a little. I mean… do it now when you don’t have fangs so I don’t have to worry about you biting me.”
Natalie swallowed the lump in her throat and checked her pockets for anything she could blow her nose with. A half-shredded napkin with green frosting smeared on it would have to do.
“I’m really worried I’m going to be a bad vampire. Is that weird?”
Dez snorted. “What?”
“I mean, everyone I know who’s a vampire is way more serious and badass than I am. I don’t know how to fire a gun. I mean, I could if I had to, but the pen is mightier than the sword, right? In my heart, I’m a total pacifist. Can a pacifist even be a vampire? Is that ideologically consistent, Dez?”
Dez pursed her lips. “Well…”
“Be honest. Can you even imagine me beating someone up?” She thought about some of the assignments she’d been on. “I mean, it’s sheer luck I’m still alive at all. I run out into traffic.”
Dez put her hand on Natalie’s shoulder. “I have a one-word answer to this conundrum: Carwyn.”
“No, that doesn’t count! Because have you seen him? He acts all ha-ha-jokester, but when he gets really mad, he can be scary as hell. I’ve seen it.” She put a hand on her chest. “I don’t have that thing. Whatever it is he has, the thing that Baojia and Giovanni and Beatrice have? I don’t have that. I don’t.”
“Does Makeda?”
Natalie cocked her head. “I don’t know.”
“I mean, Mak’s a scientist. She’s not bloodthirsty or badass, but she’s managed.”
Natalie nodded. “Okay. Okay, maybe. But I still say—”
“I say that you don’t have to have all this figured out in the beginning,” Dez said. “All I’m saying is that if Carwyn the priest and Makeda the nerdy doctor can figure out a way to be themselves through eternity, then you can too.” She squeezed Natalie’s arm. “I know it.”
Chapter Nine
“You can’t be there.” Giovanni’s voice was unwavering. “Your instincts won’t allow it.”
“I’m not leaving her.” Baojia didn’t blink. “I don’t know how you even think it would be possible.”
Christmas night had come and gone. Dinner had been glorious, but everyone was exhausted from the night before, and Natalie had gone to bed early, curled up with the children in the big bed in their room. She wanted to wake up early with them to watch the sunrise. It would be their last sunrise with their mother. The next night, Natalie would make the change to become a vampire.
“Think,” Beatrice said. “Lucien will be draining Natalie’s blood to the point of death. You know him. He is your closest friend. But the fact is, she is your wife. Your mate. And what he’s going to dowillharm her, even though you know—in your logical mind—it’s necessary.”
Lucien took a deep breath. “My friend, I agree with them.”
“Even though I couldn’t stop Beatrice’s father from turning her, I completely ignited watching it,” Giovanni said. “You must remember.”
Baojia said, “You reacted that way because she didn’t tell you she was doing it. Which in retrospect—by the way—I am completely on your side.” He turned to Beatrice. “I don’t know what you were thinking.”
Beatrice gave him a withering look. “I see the Society of Affronted Husbands has decided to make an appearance. I am not rehashing this with you.”
